Forgive Me
by deathtoonormalcy
Summary: Castiel is in love with his older sister's boyfriend, Dean. When Cas forms a unlikely friendship with Sam, things start to look up for him. All odds seem against the highschooler in love with the college student until Dean comes into his room and has his way with him. But it isn't the end to their troubles. College/Highschool AU! Psuedo Non-Con. Destiel! Angsty.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Supernatural.

* * *

.o0Forgive Me0o.

I heard the Winchesters before I saw them.

Looking up from my book, the warm breeze blew the scent of the lawn into the air.

The boys were complete opposites yet somehow exactly the same. Both of them were rowdy, Sam always laughing or talking animatedly about his future with his friends, but being more reserved when faced with strangers. The boy was seventeen and a year ago had been nearly as small as me. But now he was massive, tall with long arms and even longer legs. Each day his shoulders seemed to be filling out, his chest becoming as large as his broadly built brother.

But Dean Winchester was a thing to behold. Huge green eyes were nearly feminine in the thick lashes that tangled around them elegantly. His lips to were curved beautifully even when twisted into their usual cruel smirk. But the rest was all masculine, a hard sharp jaw paired with huge shoulders and a broad chest. His solid waist led down to amusingly enough bowed legs which he had been taunted for in high school, or at least that's what Anna had told me.

"Hey, Cas." Dean nodded as he walked by, barely tossing me a glance. Sam offered a kind smile, his slanted fox eyes somehow both clever and sweet.

"Hello-" I called back, but the Winchesters had already passed into the college, laughing heartily about something Dean had said.

* * *

Both Sam and I went to the same highschool, and were in the same program that allowed us to skip a grade into the senior class and take classes at the local college where our siblings attended. Sam had never really been my friend.

No one had really ever been my friend beside my older sister Anna and the strange British exchange student named Balthazar who had left back home a few months ago.

"Gabriel, Lucifer! Dean's coming for dinner." Anna shouted, not even mentioning that Sam would also be included in the invitation. Even our older brothers knew that where one Winchester went, the other followed.

"Alright, you cooking?" Gabriel asked from somewhere downstairs. Anna's muffled answer popped up through my door, but I ignored it. I would stay in my room for the rest of his night, feigning illness to avoid them.

* * *

I much preferred my college classes to the ones in high school. To say I was excluded would be putting it lightly, shunned was a more proper term. Children laughed at me, calling me 'Satan's brother'.

Lucifer had recently finished college getting a job as a lawyer, when I had become violently ill last year from the school lunch, Lucifer had sued. I was still confused why children would mock me for trying to upgrade their diets, but when Lucifer had taken it a step further and demanded all the candy, soda, and chips be taken off the menu there had been a revolt. True to his name he had made my high school life a living hell.

"Satan worshiper." Some kid hissed at me in the passing hallways. Anna, Gabriel, Lucifer, and I had all been raised in the same Roman Catholic orphanage. We had shared a room since childhood and come to think of each others as siblings.

When Lucifer was of age, he had adopted both of us, even though Anna was only a few years younger. As vicious and manipulative as Lucifer could be, he was nothing if not loyal. True to his word, he had raised all of us while putting himself through law school.

Our eldest brother Micheal had a turbulent relationship with Lucifer. Anna once hinted to me that there had been a turbulent past between them, although I'm not sure what she meant.

"Castiel." A voice called, and my eyes landed on a strong chest. Looking up I was met with Sam Winchester's deceptively soft eyes.

"Hey, how's it going?" Sam offered, glaring at the kid who had just hissed another insult at me. I frowned, averting my gaze before returning it.

"Um, fine." I said back, meeting Sam's eyes. The Winchester boy grinned, his dimples curving into his tan cheeks.

"Want to sit with me at lunch?" Sam asked, easy going and friendly as ever. Sam wasn't popular but he was well known. Handsome, kind, and athletic many girls had a crush on him. But the boy preferred to spend his time with Kevin, the tiny freshmen who had also been an outcast. Sam seemed to attract strange individuals to him.

"Uh, okay. Yes. I'll sit with you." I muttered following the large boy as he prattled on about a video game.

* * *

Sitting with Sam became sort of a ritual after that, even though we didn't talk much. I usually had my head buried in a book, but I would listen to Kevin and Sam argue and laugh and sometimes find myself smiling along with them.

"Man, can I come over to your house today?" Sam begged Kevin one day. I had eased into my spot as the third wheel happily, enjoying the two boys friendship. The harassment from the other students had eased as well with Sam's 6'3 frame towering over me down the halls. Kevin was also a judo champion who had medals littered around his room.

"Why?" Kevin asked, smacking the chewy cafeteria mac and cheese. He had just buzzed his glossy black hair and it stuck up around his head making him look like a baby chick in my opinion. But his big dark eyes were more noticeable, and his delicate jawline. A few girls had begun paying him attention as well.

"Uh ..." Sam glanced at me, wincing slightly. "Anna's coming over, and we have thin walls." Sam explained. I looked up from his book fully, giving him my attention.

"What does the density of your walls have to do with Anna?" I asked slowly, and Kevin spluttered around his drink, choking with laughter as Sam flushed.

"Nothing! Just forget it." Sam snapped, pushing his shaggy hair from his forehead.

"Please, explain." I pushed. I didn't like not understanding things, but the more I talked to boys my age the more naive I seemed to be. Years of isolation had not done me good.

"He can hear Dean banging your sister." Kevin leered, smile going wide and eyes glinting with mischief. My shoulders tensed and I could feel my eyes narrow. Impossible.

"You're brother is physically abusive towards Anna?" I demanded, Sam must be mistaken. Dean had only ever been gentle and sweet in their relationship, despite all his bravado and haughty talk. Sam's cheeks burned red and Kevin doubled over with more cackles.

"Dude, I can hear them having sex!" Sam hissed. My embarrassment was immediate, I felt my cheeks going red.

"Oh." I said stiffly, lifting the book back up to hide my face and ignoring the boys for the rest of the lunch period. I pretended my stomach was in knots because the thought of Anna having sexual relations upset me.

* * *

I rolled onto my back, the room I shared with Gabriel was small so not often did I get the chance to masturbate. Not that I liked too, Gabriel had no qualms about groaning into his pillow. But I had only experimented quietly once or twice before. Neither time had I climaxed, simply fondling the sore flesh before falling into a restless sleep. But lately I had been having wet dreams, waking up with warm slickness on the front of my briefs. Gabriel was staying the night at his friends, and I had awoken myself when I'd loudly whimpered a name in my wet dream.

"Dean." I breathed, flushing brightly. My sisters boyfriend. Spiked hair, cocky smile, leather jacket. Shivers ran up my spine and my toes curled at the thought. I was disgusting. Thinking of him in such ways. But I couldn't stop, the guilt mixed with lust heavy in my gut and I trembled. Quickly I rose from bed, shuffling into the bathroom to take an icy cold shower.

* * *

"Damn it." A rough voice snapped from the other side of the library. My shoulders bunched because I would recognize that voice through static and lightening. Dean.

"Shhh." Other students hushed in the college library. I was up, walking towards the muttering voice before I realized. My book clutched to my chest. Dean was sitting by a window in the corner of the library. Leather jacket draped over the back of his chair, and his boots kicked up on the chair across from him. One of his hands was digging into his dirty blonde hair and his other was holding the pencil scratching at the paper in front of him.

"Fuck english." He growled, eyes flickering up to mine, before returning back to his paper then finding mine again.

"Hey, Cas!" He grinned, white teeth flashing against his golden tan. I felt my stomach twist at the nickname I only allowed Dean to call me. I had become ridiculously infuriated when Anna had said it, bitingly telling her my name was '_Castiel_'.

"Hello." I choked, shuffling awkwardly in the middle of the large open isle. Dean's smile widened and he nodded his head.

"You're a genius, right? Wanna help me out?" Dean's deep voice urged. I was moving forward, even though my mind told me to decline. To stay away from Dean because he was Anna's. Anna loved him, and he loved her so why was my heart racing in my chest.

"I'm not a genius, but I can help." I whispered solemnly. Dean did not understand the concept of quietness in the library, he spoke in his regular booming voice.

"Ah, sure you are. Man, this is embarrassing. Having to get help from a kid." Dean laughed, leaning in close across the small table. I felt his boot press up against my thigh and I squirmed as the heady smell of aftershave and leather wafted over me. Dean hadn't bothered removing his boots from the bench, I was distinctly aware I was between his legs.

"I'm not a kid." I argued weakly, staring at Dean. Tracing the golden freckles dusting his honey colored skin, the green eyes with flakes of amber in them. God, he was beautiful. Thick lips curled with an amused smirk, as if he knew my thoughts.

"You're a few months younger than Sammy, right?" Dean asked, he was close. Flaxen eyelashes thick smudges against his cheek. His breath puffed over my face, coffee and mint gum.

"Yes." I breathed, eyes wide. Dean's smile dropped slightly, he leaned back in his chair and I withheld the anguished whimper crawling up my throat.

"Sammy's always complaining how you're the smartest kid in school, and it ain't gonna look good on his records coming in second but you're just too damn smart." Dean grinned, almost bragging. I felt myself flush with pride. I nibbled at my lip, watching Dean's eyes follow the movement without interest.

"Sam is also very intelligent." I offer, which is true. But my position as top grades in school was concrete, although Sam was close behind.

"Sure is. I always tell him he's lucky he didn't get a brain like me, nothing going on up here but booze and boobs." Dean grinned, bumping his knuckles against his temple. I scowled, glancing down at his chest. Dean was suddenly laughing so hard that the table shook, he roared with it. Tossing back his head, and kicking his feet under the table.

"Shhh!" Someone hissed, but Dean ignored them. He kept on laughing and I was shocked when my own laughter bubbled up from my chest mingling with Dean's in the air.

"You both need to leave." The librarian snapped, coming up to us with her glasses tipping precariously at the end of her sharp nose. Dean stood, swiping his books from the table into his backpack and tossing his jacket over his shoulder.

"Come on, Cas. Let's grab some grub." Dean smiled down at me, his green eyes damp and even lighter with laughter. I was shocked when he manhandled me out of the chair and tucked beneath his muscled arm. My breath was immediately stolen from my chest.

I had witnessed how handy the Winchester brothers could be. Sam himself constantly needing to touch me, with pats on the back and hand guiding me down the hallway. But to have Dean so close was unbearable. He led me out of the library, winking at the scowling librarian as we passed.

"Man, I can't remember the last time I've laughed that hard." I hoped I wasn't imagining the fondness in Dean's voice, and I hoped he didn't notice when I pressed closer against his chest.

* * *

Dean was only slightly more friendly after that, much to my torture. Instead of giving me a courteous nod, or a quick 'Hi'. He would offer a big smile, and call out 'Hey, Cas!'. But not much more. I was however becoming closer to Sam and Kevin, even going to Sam and Dean's shabby apartment to play video games after school. Or at least watch while Sam and Kevin hurled insults at each other.

"You're cheating!" Kevin snapped, kicking Sam with his short legs. Kevin and I were the same height, which when compared to Sam was even more drastic.

"Keep it down, brats." Dean grumbled, sleep ruffled as he came out of his room. My breath punched out of my lungs, leaving me woozy. Dean stretched, revealing a lean strip of tanned stomach beneath the black tee shirt and above the gray boxer briefs. I had always imagined Dean as a boxer man, but the snug fit against his thighs made my stomach ache.

"Dean." I croaked. My face going so red it was nearly purple when I realized I'd uttered the prayer out loud. Dean raised an eyebrow, green eyes half lidded as he passed the couch to get to the kitchen. His short hair stuck up messily.

"Hey, kiddo." He grumbled with a sleepy smile, ruffling my hair to match his own as he passed. I let out a squeak, before clearing my throat when Kevin glanced back at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Dean, pass me the bag of chips!" Sam called, turning his head slightly but eyes still glued to the screen.

"Get em' yourself." Dean grunted, rolling his shoulders and opening the fridge to pull out a beer despite it being only three in the afternoon.

"You missed classes, I'm gonna tell Anna." Sam's voice cracked with puberty as he tried threatening his older brother. Dean's shoulders went taught in the kitchen and he glared.

"You little snitch!" Dean growled. Sam's grin was wide at the screen. Dean suddenly crossed the small apartment, jumping over the back of the couch and jumping onto Sam. The boy squawked while Kevin groaned.

"We're in the middle of a game, Dean!" Kevin protested. Sam was already in a headlock, pinned to the floor. He had recently grown an inch taller than Dean, but had yet to fill out the height he had inherited. He groaned, cheeks pink in embarrassment as Dean held him down, arm wrenched behind his back.

"Alright, alright! I won't say anything." Sam whined, bucking back. Dean held him steady, laughing. His briefs at ridden up on his thighs revealing the pale skin, freckles, soft blonde hairs. I panicked, shakily lifting my backpack.

"I'll see you at school." I hurriedly left the apartment, ignoring the boys calling my name as I palmed the front of my jeans.

* * *

Avoiding Dean became nearly impossible. Sam was much too determined to break off our friendship, and if you were close to one brother the other was immediately included. My only option was to avoid Dean, to stop the longing looks and little hitches of breath when I managed to catch his eye across the quad. It was too much, my heart couldn't handle it.

"Cas, want to help me with my homework?" Dean sudden voice behind me nearly caused me to choke on the tea I'd been sipping. Spluttering I looked up, before quickly forcing my gaze back to the book. Dean looked especially beautiful today, his hair was even more messy and his cheeks were red from the brisk winds outside.

"I'm, uh- busy." The lie was obvious. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat to try and get away from the heady scent of Dean's after shave and his leather jacket.

Come on, kid. I'll pay you." Dean promised, his gruff tone was deep. His hand slide over my shoulder, large and warm through my jacket. My mind couldn't help but run wild. Imagining Dean propositioning me for sex, goosebumps raised on my forearms.

"Dean-" It was another whimper, I always let them out unintentionally. Dean was usually too far to hear. But he was pressed close against my back, trying to look at what had stolen my attention that was usually so focused towards him. I didn't miss the way Dean's breath snagged, or the way his arm tightened around my shoulder.

"Yeah, alright." Dean got up and left without another word.

* * *

I was certain that when I opened the door to the Winchester apartment; I probably would have been less shocked to see Sam and Dean tangled on the couch. As codependent and affectionate as they were.

But the boy pinned beneath Sam was small, with soft pale skin, and large dark eyes. Sam groaned huskily, and buried his face into the baby chick down of Kevin's hair. The lean muscles of his back rippled as he rolled his hips down. Kevin's thighs were pressed against his side, thin ankles dangling in the air.

"Castiel!" Kevin yelped, shoving off Sam who landed with a grunt on the floor. Kevin sat up and I was able to see how thoroughly debauched he was. His red flannel jacket was unbuttoned and had slide down his slim shoulders to land in the crooks of his elbows, his tiny gray briefs had a small bulge that made no mistake as to how much he was enjoying him and Sam's private time.

Dark bruises littered his pale skin, little shadows running up and down his neck, chest and thighs. I remembered a few weeks ago I had inquired about one I had seen peeking out of Kevin's shirt. He had told me it was from Judo.

"Sorry for the intrusion." I said quickly ducking my head. Sam was shirtless and in no better shape, his hair was a mess and he had scratch marks on his back, his jeans were undone and sliding down his narrow hips.

"Cas wait!" Sam shouted, but I had already rushed down the stairs.

* * *

I had managed to avoid Sam and Kevin for four days, mostly in part due to the weekend. But on Monday I was stealthily cornered.

"Look, about what happened ..." Sam started, nervously running a hand through his hair in a very similar way as his brother. I shoved that thought away.

"We didn't want you to find out about us ... like that." Kevin finished. I wouldn't admit I was more hurt than upset. I had thought we'd been on a level of friendship that required such secrets to be shared. The thoughts of Dean that I had never shared with anyone bubbled to the surface and I shoved them down.

"I assumed our friendship would allow for you to tell me something so serious." I finally admitted in the silence.

"Cas, come on. You know it's not like that. We haven't told anyone." Sam groaned, puckering out his bottom lip. My eyes widened in realization.

"Not even your brother?" I questioned, tilting my head at him curiously. Sam bit his lip and tossed a glance to Kevin who had remained silent.

"Especially not my brother, he's um- not exactly a gays rights activist." Sam tried to joke, but I could see the pained expression on the younger Winchesters face and felt it mimicked in my own. Dean didn't exactly harbor a hatred for gay men, but once I had seen him wince at a couple kissing on the college campus.

"Not that we're gay! It's just Sam, only Sam." Kevin blurted, nibbling his lip. Sam nodded eagerly as well.

"So you don't have to worry about us like cornering you or something, okay. Cause' we won't." Sam continued, looking worried. I shook his head. I would never assume that.

"Of course." My solemn voice assured them.

"So you won't tell anyone?" Kevin asked hopefully, large dark eyes pleasing. I glared at him for even suggesting it and was swaddled in a hug between the two boys.

* * *

I was in the college Cafeteria alone. Kevin and Sam had headed back to the apartment to get some alone time before Dean returned. I was picking at my pizza, when I felt eyes burning into me. Looking up, it was like a magnet had aligned us together as blue crashed with green.

Dean stood in line for food across the large hall, his eyes blazing on me. He too was alone, and for a moment I forgot I was not supposed to stare and my eyes melted with relief at the sight of the older man, it had been days since I'd last seen him.

Dean's gaze was fierce, nearly assessing as he stared at me. I jerked my head down when I remembered myself. For a few moments of tense nothingness all was fine. Dean would get his food and leave.

The heavy boots approaching told otherwise.

"Hey, Cas. What's the word?" But his voice wasn't the usual open carefree tone he took. It was tight, guarded. I didn't like it one bit.

"A shortened version of my name." I answered without looking up, hoping to amuse him. Dean didn't laugh, my dry jokes always made him burst into unnecessarily loud laughter, or a large grin. An eyeroll at least. I felt my heart rate increase.

"So what's the deal, you've been avoiding me like I got a disease or somthin'." Dean said curtly, and his accent slipped out a bit as it always did when he was upset. I noticed everything about the oldest Wincester.

"Not necessarily." I answered shortly, folding my limp pizza in half and taking a bite.

"Cut the crap, what's up with you? Did I make you mad or something?" Dean wasn't letting it go. He wasn't even delving into the cheeseburger that I hadn't noticed they were serving much to my annoyance. I loved cheeseburgers.

"Not at all." I refused to allow my gaze anywhere but my meal, eyes tracing over the green peppers that were only a few shades too bright to be Dean's muted pine color.

"Then fucking look at me!" Dean's outcry echoed in the enormous cafeteria, and the room fell silent. I obeyed, watching Dean's furious face flash with embarrassment before seeping into annoyance. Chatter soon returned, and the other students sent them curious glances and whispers.

"You always look at me, always have. But suddenly you ignore me, did I piss you off?" Dean's voice is tight and very unsteady. I had no idea I had been so obvious in my sight seeing. But what shocked me even more is the fact that Dean noticed it, noticed the heated staring I couldn't help but submit to.

"No, Dean. I am not angry at you." I promise softly. To try and soothe the wild look in his eye.I let my gaze find him for the first time in what seems like centuries. Dean let's out a slow, labored breath. He's about to speak when arms wrap around his shoulders.

"Hey boys." My sister smiles, red hair sliding prettily against Dean's cheek. They look beautiful together. Anna small, with slender wrists and soft features while Dean is all hard lines and smug attitude.

"I'm meeting Sam to study." I lie, quickly finishing my pizza and exiting the cafeteria before my heart bursts from my chest.

* * *

Sam is very handsy; and seeing as how Kevin is required at his home on thanksgiving, I am the younger Winchester's only outlet.

"Come on, let's go play video games in your room." Sam whines, bored and full. He's gotten a bit taller, again. He throws an arm around my shoulder and pulls me to his side.

"I told you, I do not have a gaming console." I try to reason as the enormous boy paws at me. The house is full, Lucifer was unable to make it. But Gabriel, Anna, and a few other people from the orphanage had come to visit. Including Samandriel, Uriel, and Hester. Samandriel is perhaps my closest sibling, since the rift had been caused due to my guilt over Dean with Anna.

"We can go play football outback." Samandriel suggested, flashing a small eager smile. Sam shook his head, ruffling my hair.

"Cas can't throw a ball to save his life." He laughed loudly at the table. A few of our many friends laughed. Claire, and Amelia were a family from next door who had also joined us in our large Victorian house. Claire was looking at Samandriel with interest.

"You got that right, little runt can't even pick up a ball." Gabriel joked from my other side, slinging an arm over my shoulder. I hardly payed them any attention. I was too focused on looking anywhere but at Dean who had been ignoring me entirely throughout dinner.

"I think I will go upstairs and read for a bit, feel free to play outside." I murmured, rushing up to my room to get some solace. Dean must be infuriated. I had kept peeking up at the older man only to find his eyes fixed on someone else. It was excruciating.

For a while I sat in my room, just thinking, face buried in the pillow. There were cheers downstairs illustrating everyone had migrated to the living room to watch a sports game. I had just begun dozing off when I heard my door open. I didn't bother raising my head.

"Sam, I don't want to play." I mumbled to my eager, puppy like friend. The door shut and locked. My brow furrowed when I felt the bed dip and hands touch my hips. The smell of leather and aftershave wafted in his nose.

"Guess again." Dean's sharp voice pressed into my ear. He moved behind me, pinning me to the bed with his densely muscled body. I gasped as I felt large calloused hands cup my hips, before sliding slowly beneath him, giving me a chance to object. I was too stunned. To shocked. How could Dean Winchester possibly be in my room, touching me? Perhaps I had fallen asleep.

That wasn't the point. Dean was older, he was a man while I was still a child in the eyes of the law. Worse still he was my sisters boyfriend. I should reject him. But I didn't. Of course I didn't. Dean's hand wormed between my thighs, toughing the semi hard flesh that was rapidly swelling.

"Thought so." Dean breathed, his voice a mixture of relief and lust. I was confused, so confused. But Dean's big adults hands were touching me. His heavy weight was pressed into my back, and his warm liquor smelling breath was against my ear.

Not my sisters, _mine_. I gasped, stiff as Dean kissed at my neck, he was slowly unbuttoning my worn jeans and pulling them down.

"Breathe." Dean murmured, kissing the back of my neck. I obeyed, raking in a much needed breath.

He kissed the side of my mouth, gelled hair scraping at my cheek. Big calloused hands swiped up the back of my thighs, sliding under my shirt to touch my ribs. I let out a terrible reedy high pitched sound that made Dean curse. I could hear his teeth gritting as he tugged down my pants, just below my bottom.

Dean sucked in a deep breath before pulling my underwear down as well. He touched me, squeezing the pale mounds of flesh like they were breasts and I gasped. Pressing my face tighter into the pillow, my arms crossed above my head as I rocked back.

Dean didn't undress either, just fumbled with his own jeans. He was obviously inebriated. The sound of his zipper going down was loud in the quietness of the room. He pushed into me without a word, the only thing slicking the way was his saliva. He didn't bother with a condom. I felt his hot skin press into me. His breath raspy and shallow in my ear. It was quick and rough, and so very good.

Dean kept whispering 'Shhh' in my ear, his thumb stroking over my lower lip as I moaned and whimpered helplessly into the pillow. It hurt, but the pleasure overrode it. He was nearly animistic in the sounds he was making, grunts and snarls against my neck as he roughly nipped at my pale skin. His forearm slipped under my chest, hauling me up as he pounded into me. I came into my mattress when he pressed a hand into my lower back forcing me to bow under him. He came almost a moment after, a quick grunt lost in my skin.

For a moment everything was beautiful. Dean Winchester had just touched me, just came in me. I was shaking terribly under him. His arm under me was solid and reassuring, so when it slide away I frowned. I heard his jeans zip up. He didn't bother pushing my pants up, just laid back over me.

"Don't tell anyone." He whispered darkly. I nodded into the pillow, unable to look at him. I heard the door open and shut. I hesitantly lifted my jeans back up, before biting my lip and staring at the ceiling.


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Supernatural.

* * *

o0~Forgive Me~0o

"Knock it off." Kevin hissed, flushing as Sam nuzzled into his neck. Kevin had just admitted to 'loving Sam' much to the older boy's pleasure. Sam was nearly delirious, coddling Kevin like the small boy was a plush toy.

"Someone's coming." I inform quietly. Immediately Sam leans away, but not before a flash of irritation sparks over his face.

"You boys aren't supposed to be in here." The teacher barks out. Sam grunts picking up his stuff.

"Sorry Mr. Fuster." Infamously Mr. Fuster, the overbearing science teacher, had been dubbed Mr. Fucker, by and even more infamous student. Dean Winchester. His legacy of brutal nicknames had stuck with the student body, long after his graduation. It made Castiel's chest burn just thinking about the other Winchester.

"Detention." Mr. Fuster spat, glaring at them. Kevin groaned while Sam cursed under his breath.

* * *

By the time their detention was served it was already late. Castiel waited with Sam on the curb, Kevin had been picked up immediately by his mother.

"I'm just really happy. I always said it, but he'd sort of just change the subject." Sam said giddily. Even three hours of detention hadn't dampened his happiness over the newest step in his and Kevin's relationship.

"That's wonderful, Sam." Castiel offered mutely. He toyed idly with his shoelace, his knees tucked under his chin to combat the chill.

"How are you getting home?" Sam asked softly after a long tense silence. Castiel shrugged his shoulders. He hadn't called anyone. Gabriel got off work in half an hour, but his house was only a thirty minute walk.

"I can walk." He decided. Sam made a noise of annoyance.

"No way. I'll ask Dean to give you a ride." Sam said, jumping up as headlights spilled over them.

"No!" Castiel shouted, reaching for his friend. His legs were cramped from being tucked under him for so long. He stumbled and Sam easily caught him, holding him up.

"You alright?" Sam asked, brow knitting together. Sam was in his face, hazel eyes concerned. Castiel gaped at their closeness, the large hands around his waist seemed foreign. They didn't belong to Dean.

"Sam!" Dean's voice was sharp. Sam's head jerked back, like he'd been struck. Castiel hid behind Sam, trying to stay out of sight of the older Winchester.

"Hey! Think you can give Cas a ride?" Sam asked easily, obviously not noticing his brothers barbed tone. Dean was glaring, but he gave a short jerk of his chin in agreement.

"Cas sit up front to give me directions." Dean ordered from over the top of the car, he was glaring at the both of them. Today he wore a white tee shirt with a black leather jacket and his usual worn jeans.

"I know where he lives, I can-" Sam started.

"Cas, sit up front." Dean cut off. I obeyed, firmly placing my backpack between me and the eldest Winchester. Sam crawled into the backseat, blowing his floppy hair from his forehead. He immediately began texting Kevin, eyes glued to the tiny screen.

"What are we having for dinner, Dean?" Sam asked, only half paying attention as he messaged his boyfriend.

"I don't know." Dean's sarcasm an annoyance were heavy in his tone. Instantly I recoiled, I'd never seen this side of Dean before. He was furious. The skin around his eyes was tight, and his lips pursed. Sam made a huff of noise.

"Geeze, what's up your ass?" Sam taunted. A muscle in Dean's jaw ticked. His eyes narrowed further if possible. It was the first time I'd seen Dean since ... the loss of my virginity. I had been so sore the next day I could barely stand. It had dulled the day after, but not enough for Sam not to notice me walking funny at school. I had lied and told him I had pulled a muscle in my thigh while stretching.

"Sam, shut the fuck up." Dean gritted. Sam snorted, but kept quiet.

"A left here." Castiel quietly ordered.

"I'm taking Sam home first, he's got homework to do." Dean decided. Castiel felt his skin break out in a nervous sweat.

"Not really, I did it all in detention." Sam called.

"Than you have dinner to make." Dean bit back. Sam grumbled under his breath but didn't argue. The short ride to the Winchester apartment was terrifying. Castiel shakily grabbed his backpack, clutching it to his chest.

Sam waved goodbye as he trotted up the steps to their apartment. Leaving Castiel alone with his worst nightmare. Dean drove up a block before turning into the large park. He shut off the car, and they were swamped in darkness. The trees hung heavy above them as cover. Castiel licked his lips nervously, staring at his knees.

"Are you letting Sam fuck you?" Dean demanded. Castiel nearly choked as he looked up. The moon provided just enough light to make out his burning green eyes. Castiel finally realized that Dean wasn't angry. He was _jealous_, he was mad with it.

"W-What?" The question was so far fetched. Sam was nearly brotherly in their interactions.

"I don't like sharing, Cas. You're mine." Dean's voice was a growl as he slipped across the seat. Instantly Castiel was scooting away, back pressed into the door. He pressed his backpack against Dean's chest to stop him. He knew if he had any contact with the man he might break.

"Stop, I-We can't." Castiel flushed, he looked anywhere but Dean. Dean's arm was laying on the back of his seat.

"Cause' you're letting Sam fuck you." Dean gritted, and now he was as close as Sam had been when-oh! Dean had seen Sam catch him when he'd tripped before getting into the car. He must have mistaken it for an embrace.

"No, of course not." Castiel breathed, Dean was so close. His eyes were hooded and the jealousy only faded slightly with the answer.

"Then why can't we?" Dean pressed. Castiel could tell him no, could tell him that he was too young to let a man have him so intimately. But he couldn't. He trembled as he reached up and pulled Dean close. Dean grabbed the backpack and threw it down at the bottom of the Impala.

"Because I don't want you to hate me." Castiel choked out, Dean's face was already buried in his neck laying wet kisses there.

"I could never hate you." Dean murmured. Castiel inhaled a raspy breath, Dean had already pulled down his jeans, letting the cool night air spread over his erection. Castiel whined, trying to shift but his jeans around his thighs made it difficult.

"Get in the backseat." Dean ordered. Castiel complied, scrambling to move to the slightly larger seat. He landed with a thump on his belly and before he could roll over he was pinned down by a heavy body. He groaned softly into the leather, digging his teeth into the warm seats as Dean pressed into the spot he had laid claim to.

"Gonna go slow tonight, Cas. Gonna be real good to you." Dean promised, kissing at the back of his neck. Castiel trembled as he heard a bottle of something 'click'. Dean's wet fingers pressed into him, forcing their way inside. Just like Dean had forced his way into Castiel's heart.

"_Please, please, please_." Castiel murmured, humping pitifully back against those thick fingers. Dean growled out something that Castiel didn't have the patience to translate. He hooked two thumbs into him, and stretched. Castiel howled, panting heavily and rubbing his sweating forehead against the seat.

"Dean, Dean!" He sounded so stupid babbling, but he couldn't help it. This was nothing like their first time. Where Dean had been sloppy and reckless and drunk. He was precise now, taking Castiel apart piece by piece.

"Gonna make you come without even touching that pretty little cock of yours." Dean's breath was nasty in his ear. Castiel let out a shuttery breath, turning his head and nearly begging for a kiss. Dean gave it to him. It was quick and chaste and nowhere near what he had been looking for. Cas whimpered.

"More." He choked, puckering his lips childishly. Dean was focused on looking to where he was touching, but he let his gaze flick up and his gaze softened.

"Yeah, alright baby." Dean smiled slowly. He leaned down all his weight on Castiel's back. Kissing him slowly, and licking deep into his mouth. His touches never stopped, slowly he pried Castiel open until he was loose and flexing around his fingers.

"Tell me what you want." Dean coaxed, Castiel's knew his lips were swollen and spit slicked. He choked as he arched his back. Dean's eyes narrowed at the action, his cock thickening against his belly.

"You." Dean grinned at the answer and leaned back down just as a knock came on the window.

"Hey! What's going on in there?!" A man's authoritative voice demanded. Dean cursed, zipping himself up. Quickly he hopped out of the door shutting it behind him. Castiel could hear his muffled talking outside.

"Sorry, just me and my girlfriend. Her roommates a pain in the ass. We're both twenty three." Dean said easily. A few more polite easy going answers and Dean slipped into the front seat. Castiel carefully pulled up his jeans as Dean pulled out of the park and back onto the road.

"Where are we going?" Castiel asked from the back seat. He watched the back of Dean's head.

"I'm taking you home." Dean said coolly. Castiel glared at his neck the rest of the way there.

* * *

A month later ...

A month, a whole goddamn month! Dean deserved a fucking medal for this shit. His sister's little _brother_, sauntered around with his tight little ass and big fucking doe eyes all fluttery and girl and _god damn_ did that kid have a mouth for sucking cock_. _Dean remembers when he had first started dating Anna, a year ago, and how he had asked about her family.

"Cas is the baby, Samandriel is technically younger but Cas is our baby." She had smiled, laying in bed with her strawberry colored hair surrounding her all sexy. She was really beautiful.

"Why?" Dean had asked, not really interested. He'd seen the kid once before, but he'd been pretty far away, head buried in a book.

"He's um ... he's really pretty. He's just got something about him that makes people go nuts. It's actually kind of scary. Gabriel and Lucifer have to keep a close eye on him." She informed, biting her lip. Dean had been curious and confused so he'd gone and seeked the kid out.

Anna was right.

Cas wasn't just pretty, he was beautiful. With soft naive eyes and even softer pink lips. All nervous and shy, but curious. He looked up when he saw Dean before quickly ducking back down into his book and Dean almost turned into puddle right then. That moment was when Dean should have tucked tail and ran.

Now thinking Anna had a cute ass fucking kid brother wasn't a crime. For awhile that's all it was, was thinking the brat was cute. Then Dean started paying attention. They way the kid always looked panicked when he was near. He thought maybe the kid was scared of him.

"Wanna help me out?" Dean had asked, thinking maybe he should be nicer to the kid. He didn't want Anna dumping him over the brat. So he decided to lay down some of his charm. Jesus fucking Christ had it worked.

Cas started getting a little bolder, those innocent blue eyes were looking at Dean in not so innocent way. Dean had mistaken Cas for being wary of him, but it was the opposite. It was annoying at first, the way he stared at Dean. Dean thought it might be misplaced hero worship, like Sammy had gone through a few years back.

But the parted lips, and small flicks of tongue made it just how clear Cas was thinking. It wouldn't have been obvious to anyone, but Dean stared right back. He watched every flicker of emotion and studied Cas like he was a different species. A horny teenage species who needed to get his sweet little ass pounded into a mattress for torturing Dean with bedroom eyes twenty four seven.

Dean wasn't going to act on it. He didn't like jailbait, even when he watched porn he stayed clear of the '18 year old virgin pussy' preferring ladies with experience. But thanksgiving had been his breaking point.

"Come on, Cas." Sam had grinned, pressing his cheek against the smaller boys. Cas had fucking _blushed_, like actual full on on pink cheeks. Dean had nearly passed out from the simultaneous arousal and jealousy. Cas was just letting Sam hang on him. So Dean had done the only reasonable thing and gotten drunk.

Next thing he knew he was stumbling upstairs and into the kids bedroom.

"Dean-" Cas's voice was shaky and scared, and so so so horny. Dean had winced, unknowing if he should stop or not so he let Cas choose for the both of them. He froze for a few seconds, letting his hands rest loosely on Cas's hips. _'Gotta have him'_. His filthy mind encouraged upon seeing the thick swell of his backside and thick legs for a boy. Dean didn't think he wanted to touch his dick, but already his hands were worming under him to touch and find proof of his arousal. The kids dick was hard and Dean was pretty sure he was leaking like a bitch in heat. Dean had smirked and done the only thing sensible, he gave him the pounding he deserved.

* * *

Alright so, the second time was they fooled around was mostly spurred from jealousy. Dean could dismiss the first fucking with a lethal combination of alcohol an curiosity. But when he dropped off Sam and drove Cas out to the middle of the park, that was some straight up pedophile shit. The thought alone made him wince.

"Of course not." Cas had said to his jealous question. Dean wasn't even the jealous type. Once him and Anna had gone to a party and Anna had drunkenly danced with a guy who admittedly looked a lot like him. His only reply had been 'at least you have good taste'. Him and the guy had even taken a picture together and posted it on Facebook. But with Cas, he felt like he was going to go insane if anyone even looked at the kid.

"Mine." He kissed into Cas's skin, he liked putting him face down, liked to admire him without Cas's big blue eyes staring him down, examining every little thing about him. Dean felt like he was under a microscope every time Cas looked at him. He liked watching Cas drool on his baby's leather seats, watch his thighs twitch and his flushed hole stretch around Dean's fingers. 'Mine.' Dean was starting to feel like a caveman. But he didn't give a fuck. He wanted to throw Cas over his shoulder and carry him off to the nearest cave.

"Dean!" Especially when he moaned so prettily. Deep voice breaking off into a high keening whine, like he was confused as to how someone could feel this much. It was driving Dean insane and just when he was about to slide into the sweet little hole he had spent so long prepping the fucking cops had to show up.

* * *

A/N: I think I'll switch off every chapter with both Dean and Cas's POV? What do you think? Would you prefer only Cas's?


	3. Chapter 3

I do not own Supernatural.

* * *

o0~Forgive Me~0o

I stared down at my plate, lips perused tightly. I carefully poked at the salad as Anna continued to stare at me.

"Cas, is something bothering you?" Anna asked softly, large eyes concerned. The small restaurant was cluttered but homey. We came here as children when Lucifer and Micheal would fight.

"My name is Castiel." I corrected tersely. Only Dean could call me Cas. Well, Sam also. Anna rolled her eyes.

"Is something wrong, you've seemed off lately." She pressed. Out of all my siblings perhaps Micheal and I had been mistaken as real siblings most often. There had even been a rumor he was my real brother at the orphanage. We both shared pale skin, dark hair, and blue eyes. But Anna and me ... our personalities were similar. We were more alike in heart.

"I'm fine, Anna." I lied. I hadn't seen Dean in a month and I was falling apart. It was ridiculous, I'm sure I'll look back at this as a very unhealthy dependent relationship when I've matured some. But until then, I can't keep him out of my mind.

"You haven't been sleeping, or eating." She added with an afterthought pointedly looking at the salad she had purchased for me.

"I'm not hungry." I lie again. All this lying made me feel ill. Guilt had welled up within me until I couldn't stand it anymore. I had been purposefully avoiding Dean. Rejecting Sam's invitations to their apartment, and keeping a careful eye out to make sure I didn't pass Dean at the campus. Anna blew out a slow breath.

"What are you doing this weekend?" She asked, pale eyes anxious and hopeful. I hesitated to answer. Sam was going back to Kansas to see the man who had helped raise him and Dean when their father passed, and Kevin had a judo tournament that I was thinking of attending.

"I'm not sure." I took a bite of the lettuce, letting the bite of the garlic sting my tongue pleasantly. I did love Anna, the least I owed her was spending some quality time after letting her boyfriend have his way with me. I felt my cheeks burn.

"We should go on a road trip." She smiled brightly. I raised my eyes. For a moment, the soft happiness reflecting back at me was comforting, I returned it. Until the guilt crashed back over me like a wave.

"That sounds like fun."

* * *

Road trip, I should have known the Winchesters were inadvertently connected. Me and Sam sat sweating and cramped in the backseat. Sam had asked me over an hour ago to tie his hair up in a ponytail. Sweaty strands had slipped loose and fell against his sharp cheekbones. Dean was wearing sunglasses, the bright reflection off the asphalt hurting his eyes. I stared at the back of his head, but with his sunglasses on it was hard to tell if he returned my looks in the rear view mirror.

"Ugh, I'm dying." Sam groaned. Anna began playing with the soft hairs on the back of Dean's neck that I liked to tug at, I glared at her hand before turning to Sam.

"You're not dying, you're overheated." I informed, worriedly handed him a bottle of water from the cooler under my legs. Sam was large, and he sweated a lot.

"Throw me one too, Cas." Dean called. I reached over Anna's arm and flushed as his fingers skimmed mine much too purposefully to be an accident. He smirked in the mirror.

"Thanks." He smiled. I nodded, quickly flopping back and getting a bottle to myself. Dean guzzled half the bottle before handing Anna the rest. I froze were I sat.

I'm not sure why. But it was so domestic, so caring that I probably would have preferred them to kiss. The unconscious action reflected multitudes of their relationship. An easy safe relationship that I could never have with Dean.

I choked back tears.

"Water fight!" Sam suddenly declared, and before I could regain my composure I was getting cold water dumped over my head. I spluttered, screaming as the cool liquid slide over my burning skin.

"Damn it Sam! Not in my car!" Dean shouted, swerving to swat at his brother. Sam dodged his hand and dumped the rest of his water over Dean's head, causing Dean's usually spiked hair to flatten and make him look less imposing. He looked younger even. Anna was in hysterics, until Sam splashed her with the last of it.

"Oh, you are so dead!" She squealed. Clamoring until she was half in the backseat with us. She swiped another bottle from the cooler and ripped off the cap. She squeezed the plastic sides and the liquid gushed all over Sam's face and chest. He screamed.

"Anna! Come on!" Dean shouted, grabbing the back of her pants and trying to pull her down into the front seat.

"Cas! Ammo!" Sam shouted, Anna was trying to ruffle his wet hair, making it stand up like he had just been in a hurricane. Quickly I dove for the cooler, tossing Sam two bottles. He used one on Anna and the other on me.

"Traitor." I hissed, Anna laughed so hard tears were streaking down her face. Dean pulled over. Shuffling us all out. He forced us to wipe down his 'baby's' leather seats.

We continued driving, the warm breeze paired with our wet clothes sufficiently kept us cool. Sam wasn't satisfied for long.

"I'm hungry." He declared over the rock music steadily streaming from the old radio. Anna reached back to the plastic bags and set to preparing us lunch. She made large sandwiches for the Winchester boys. All the fixings. The boys may be many things, but picky wasn't one of them. Sam munched happily on his sandwich, laying his shoulder snugly against mine as he stretched his legs across the backseat and out the window.

"Here you go, Cassie." Anna smiled, deciding if she couldn't have Dean and Sam's nickname she would take Gabriel's. I took the offered sandwich. We all ate in silence for awhile, Dean and Sam singing along to a song called 'Dead or Alive' with shared secret smiles on their faces. It must be a family thing.

"Thanks Anna, that was delicious." Sam grinned, sated as he reclined further. Slouching until his head was on my hip.

"You're taking up all the room." I tried complaining. My gaze flicked up to the mirror, I couldn't tell if Dean was watching us. He shoved the last bit of his own sandwich in his mouth and tightly gripped the steering wheel.

I knew Dean was very possessive of me. But I couldn't find it in me to care, when he so blatantly still loved my sister.

"Sue me." Sam yawned, I stoked the messy hair from his nose when it twitched. He muttered a bleary thanks before drifting off to sleep. I followed close behind him.

* * *

"They are so cute." Anna whimpered, the high pitched tone she got when she was looking at something small and soft, like puppies or kittens.

"Whatever, wake em' up so we can get inside." Dean's voice was short and annoyed. I woke up at the sound of it. I had slumped over on Sam, my head resting on his belly. He contorted to be resting on my still bend legs, one foot thrown over the back of the Impala seat, the other on the floor of the car. I sat up slowly, sore from sleeping so awkwardly.

"Morning, sleepyhead." Anna beamed, it was dark out. The moon was high and bright in the clear southern sky. I saw fireflies lazily skirting around like fairies.

"Morning." I mumbled, rubbing at my eyes. Despite it being evening, I answered back more on reflex. Anna let out a pained breath and gathered me in a hug.

"You're too cute to exist." She informed. I grunted, I desperately wanted a Tylenol and a bed. Debating my 'cuteness' would have to wait for tomorrow.

"M'Tired." I slurred, I hadn't been sleeping well for a month. But now that I had Dean so close, I could rest easy. My body felt like it was shutting down.

"I'll carry him inside." Dean said behind Anna. Both of us looked at him. I flushed. I was much smaller than him, but still I was lean sinew muscle, and by no means as light as Anna might be.

"I can walk." I said, slowly trying to get out of the car without jostling Sam.

"It's alright, go back to sleep. I'll take you upstairs. I'm used to carrying Sam, cause' there is noway I'm getting his big ass awake." Dean was already swooping down. I gasped as he lifted me up. My head lulling against his chest.

"Thanks honey." Anna smiled, planting a kiss on his cheek. I frowned, nuzzling closer to his chest as we passed her. I was still half asleep, everything was foggy. It felt like only a second before Dean was up the stairs and opening a door to a spare room.

"Dean." I gasped out, dragging him down onto the bed. He stooped over me, green eyes swimming with emotion I was too tired to decipher.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Dean's brow furrowed in a way that reminded me of Sam. I realized belatedly I was sniffling, slow lazy tears rolling down my cheeks and landing hotly in my ears. I pawed at them.

"Don't leave me." I choked. Dean's warm lips pressed into mine, kissing me slowly.

"Cas, I don't think I could even if I wanted to." He whispered against my lips. I nodded, dazing into unconsciousness. When I woke up again Dean was at the door, Sam folded over his back like an oversized backpack.

"Big ass, brat!" Dean huffed, cheeks red as he struggled with his brothers massive body. He dropped Sam on the other bed in the room. I was looking at him threw beneath my eyelashes, he probably thought I was still asleep. He approached me, brushing the hair from my forehead. He glanced back at Sam and the door before dropping another chaste kiss to my lips and exiting the room. I fell into the deepest most relaxed sleep of my life.

* * *

When I woke up the sun was streaming in from the large windows. I rolled over trying to go back to sleep. Sam was snoring loudly in the bed next to me. I sighed sitting up and pushing down the heavy blankets. It was chilly, my breath fogged in the air as I padded across the cold wood flooring down the stairs and into the living room.

"Morning." I greeted my sister. Anna looked up from the newspaper she had been scanning and smiled.

"Morning, did you sleep well?" She asked, folding the paper neatly and already heading over to the stove to prepare me a plate of breakfast. I wasn't particularly hungry.

"Sam snores." I informed and she laughed.

"So does Dean, it must run in the family." She snickered. I winced, slumping into the chair beside hers. I'd never seen Dean asleep, he must look beautiful with his stern face relaxed, plump lips parted. I crossed my legs under the table as a plate with eggs and toast was set before me.

"Hey Ellen!" Anna beamed, jumping up just as she sat down to greet the newest addition to the kitchen.

"Coffee." Ellen grumbled, rubbing at her eyes. Ellen was Bobby's wife of six years, she had a daughter named Jo who was going to college in the town over. Sam had mentioned how she was a sister of sorts to both him and Dean, since they had all three been raised in the same household.

"Here you go." Anna held out the cup, and Ellen took it with a grunt. She sipped carefully at the hot drink.

"Who's this?" Ellen looked at me, we had yet to meet.

"My little brother, Castiel." She introduced. I stood and offered my hand, she lifted an eyebrow and sat down taking another sip.

"Cute kid." She decided and I felt my face flush as I looked down at the plate of food I still had yet to touch. I was nearing seventeen, but I appeared much younger much to my chagrin.

"Keep it down, would yah'!" A grizzly older man appeared, freshly showered and wearing worn jeans and a flannel. A stained baseball cap was placed snugly over his head.

"Shut up. You want some food old man?" Ellen smiled tauntingly at her husband. His eyes narrowed.

"Gonna give me one of them cardboard breakfast's?"

"Sure am, your blood pressure is up again." She said, walking past the plates Anna had prepped and pulling out a prepackaged breakfast for the older man. I assumed he was the one who had raised Sam and Dean. He took the seat closest to me and glared hard.

"Who the hell are you?" He demanded. I blinked cautiously.

"Castiel, I'm-"

"Geeze, way to be a good host, Bobby." Dean's voice was rough with sleep as he pressed a hand into my shoulder. He wore a black tee shirt and flannel pajama pants.

"Didn't know I was running a goddamn bed and breakfast." Bobby complained. Dean rolled his eyes walking over to the stove to shovel a plate full of bacon and eggs.

"Morning." Dean smiled at Anna, pressing a kiss to her hair as he passed to sit by Ellen who was waiting for Bobby's breakfast to be ready. I looked away quickly.

"Cas, is something wrong with your food?" Anna asked from across the table.

"You're working in the garage with me today, boy." Bobby reminded Dean.

"It's Castiel." I frowned, she rolled her eyes.

"I know." Dean coughed out around a mouth full of eggs.

"Damn, decaf." Ellen muttered, dumping her coffee in the sink as she prepared another pot.

"Morning!" Sam chirped happily, the majority of the people in the kitchen glared at him. They were obviously not morning people.

"How long does it take to make a meal, woman?" Bobby barked out to Ellen over the rest of the chatter in the room.

"About as long as it takes for me to put my foot in your ass." She snapped over her shoulder.

"Dude, bacon!" Sam grinned.

"Dean, gross. Don't talk with your mouth full." Anna grimaced.

"Sam, pass the salt."

"Take two years to do any goddamn thing."

"I swear to the good Lord if you touch my coffee I will beat your ass."

"Dean, that's mine!"

"Here." Dean opened his mouth to display the already chewed bacon which made Sam's face pucker.

"Gross!" Sam hissed.

"Dean!" Anna shouted. The room was in utter chaos, everyone was yelling at each other and arguing. I quietly slipped out the side door, onto the porch.


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own Supernatural.

* * *

o0~Forgive Me~0o

Cas was so goddamn shy. His large eyes peering around and taking everything in as if it was all foreign to him. We all gathered in the living room after dinner. For most of the day I'd been in the garage helping Bobby with some cars. But after taking a quick shower I was free to relax on the couch, stomach still full from dinner.

"Let's watch Reservoir Dogs." Sam suggests. I gritted my teeth, glaring down at him. Me and Anna were cramped on the couch, while Cas and Sam were curled on the floor together, sharing a blanket. Cas stared at the TV, ignoring me.

I was starting to get real pissed off.

"Dirty Harry." I called to Ellen who was skimming through the DVD collection.

"We're watching Tombstone, if you don't like it you can get to bed early." She called over her shoulder. Sam huffed, and mumbled something to Cas that made the small boy smile slightly against the rim of his cup. I glared hard at my brother.

"Something wrong?" Anna asked softly in my ear as the movie started. The lights were dim in the living room as Ellen took a seat next to Bobby. I looked down at Anna fitted under my arm, she felt tiny and familiar against my side.

"What? No, I'm fine." I mumbled, sipping at my beer. She frowned softly, and turned back to the screen, placing her head on my chest. Her hair smelt nice, like shampoo or something. It was silky and soft under my chin.

For a second everything was great. Anna was perfect and comfortable, she didn't press things on me. She was understanding, and pretty and patient. She might even forgive me if she found out what I did to her brother. I could just pretend the whole thing with Cas never happened. I could lead a normal life, maybe even marry Anna and add a few more Winchesters to the family tree.

But then Sam had to go and whisper something into Cas's ear, and I guess Sam's stupid long hair tickled Cas's temple because he ducked his head and giggled.

I nearly blew a fuse.

I didn't like his attention elsewhere because the little dweeb was so frigging obsessed with me. But now him and Sam were connected at the hip and it was driving me nuts. I pressed my foot against Cas's thigh and watched him jolt.

"You okay?" Sam asked Cas. Cas nodded, glancing up at me from under his lashes and turning back to the TV. I had my foot under the blanket and Cas was close enough were I could paw at him without anyone noticing in the dark room. I ground the heel of my socked foot into his crotch and watched his lips part, blue eyes going wide. His hands fisted into the blankets pooling at his waist.

"Is this the movie your always quoting?" Anna laughed as Wyatt Earp said a line I liked. I nodded down to her, barely able to not give myself away and look at Cas twitching at my feet.

"Sure is, my favorites Doc though." I explained smoothly. When she looked back at the TV I was instantly focused on Cas. He couldn't look at me from the floor or the others might notice. But his eyelids shuttered closed and he dipped his chin down, taking a shuttery breath as I curled my toes.

The kid was hard. His little prick going stiff in his pajama pants. Even through my sock I could feel how hot he was between his thighs. I grinned down at him when he slide a glance at me from the corner of his eye. Anna curled closer into my chest and he frowned, pushing my foot away.

Cas was jealous?

I hadn't noticed. I'd been so focused on Sam practically climbing on top of him to realize he was feeling the same as me. I slipped my foot back over his still hard dick, and started massaging it.

He closed his eyes tightly, not fighting me again. He squirmed under my foot, hips shifting before he began rocking forward. His small neat little hips darted up against my foot, eager and horny. His cheeks had flushed even in the dark room I could tell. He made a choked noise and Sam jerked his head to watch him.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Sam demanded. Cas was a mess, eyes all blurry and lip swollen from him chewing at it to keep his voice down.

"I feel ill, I think I should go rest for a bit." Cas murmured. He got up, quickly sliding out of the room before anyone could protest.

"I'm worried about him." Anna divulged to me after a moment.

"Why's that?"

"He's been acting strange lately." Anna scowls up to where Cas' just left. I shrug, turning back to the TV.

"He's probably going through a rebellious phase." I suggested. Anna rolls her eyes.

"You don't know Cas, he doesn't do rebellious. He's practically a little angel." She smiled. I couldn't hide the smirk on my face. My sock was still wet with the the little angel's spunk.

* * *

It was the middle of the night. The moon was big and round and shining like a lantern. I looked up at it, waiting impatiently for my boy.

Finally the leaves crackled and watched as Cas appeared. He was wearing soft cotton pajama pants and a white tshirt. It was warm out tonight, his hair curled lightly at the base of his neck.

"Miss me?" I grinned as he quickly moved forward into my personal space. He looked up at me, staring like he always did whenever we were alone. I liked when he stared, even if it made me uncomfortable as fuck. It felt like Cas looked right through me, seeing every dark dirty secret and accepting it. Accepting me.

"Don't ask stupid questions." Cas grumbled, shuffling his feet and looking down as I touched his hip. Cas had a little attitude, which not many people knew. I really liked that I was one of the few who got to hear his dry humor.

"Well, didja?" I pressed. I had to hear it. Cas wasn't big on letting me in, and neither was I. But I liked Cas' voice, liked hearing him admit how much he wanted me.

"Of course." He scowled as I kissed his temple. I pulled him forward between my legs. I had the Impala parked out here in the woods just behind the house to give us somewhere private to go. Being this close to Cas on our 'family vacation' was driving me up the walls.

"You gonna show me, baby?" I asked, pressing at his shoulder to move him forward. He was trembling instantly. It used to piss me off how much he shook, thinking he was scared of me or something. But he was just real sensitive. The muscles on his shoulders twitching every time I touched him.

"Dean." He keened, sticking his ass out as I bend him over the hood of the Impala. I pushed up his shirt, his pale skin practically glowed in the moonlight. I traced a freckle near the base of his spine, watching him flinch and press his cheek against the warm hood.

"Dean." He repeated, this time with more bite. I grinned, dragging my thumb over the waist band of his pants.

"Gotta tell me, Cas." I watched him scowl and tried not to smile too hard when he glared at me from over his thin birdlike shoulder.

"You're impossible." He shut his eyes, trying to move away. I grinned, Cas like to play hard to get sometimes. I lowered him back on the hood, gently enough were he could pull away if he wanted too. I pushed back up his shirt and kissed at his back. His skin was warm. He always smelt like damp wood, or something clean and earthy like that.

I sucked on his tiny love handle, watching him cry out in embarrassment as he tried to shove me away. His baby fat from being a kid was still melting off. His face was beet red, and he tried to scramble away in humiliation.

"Can't be so loud, Cas. Someone might hear." I reminded, as he let out another short yell when I pinched his nipple. He nodded obediently and spread his legs. I quickly pulled down his pants and bite back a groan at what I saw.

"You listen so good, baby." I purred in his ear, touching the wet spot between his ass. I'd jokingly told him I liked when he was loose and wet for me. Next time we'd fucked in the back of my car, his hole had already been lubed and stretched and I nearly came the moment he spread his legs to present himself for me.

He was just so damn obedient.

He'd listen to anything I told him, and the fact was both terrifying and exhilarating.

"Please, Dean. I've been ready all day." Cas breathes, breath fogging up the sleek black hood, and damn if it isn't my two favorite things under me. Usually by now I would have Cas in the backseat, ankles locked behind my neck as I pound into the sweet ass.

"You've been wet all day, sweetheart?" I lean against his back, letting my weight rest against him fully. He shutters, sinking closer to the hood but holding me against him. Anna's too fragile, I have to be careful not to hurt her. But Cas can take anything I throw at him.

"Yes." Cas' eyes are shut and he whispers it like he's ashamed and it gets me going even more. Fuck the backseat. Cas is getting pounded on the hood of my car.

"Been thinking about my dick, huh? Thinking about me filling up your greedy little hole." I've got a dirty mouth. Always have, probably from the hours of porn I've dedicated my life too. Anna's never been one for my dirty talk, frowning at me and telling me to have some 'respect'. But Cas doesn't say a word. Just ducks his head and nods, or gives a sort answer in that gravelly tone that makes me go light headed.

"Please-" Cas chokes out, and he kicks off his own pants and spreads his legs wide. He cants his ass up like a dog in heat. I chuckle, gripping the round globes of muscle and squeezing it.

"Want me in here? Want me to stretch you open, fill you up with my cum. S'that what you want, Cas?" I press at the slick opening, the muscles flutter at my prying fingers. The skin pink and flushing darker the longer I wait. I'm so hard in my jeans I might bust the zipper. But I like teasing Cas, it makes him looser and say things he won't normally say if I just get right to business.

"Yes, yes, yes. Please, Dean. I've been waiting all day, please." Cas's voice is shaky and hushed. He pants against the hood, his hands are in fists and pressed up against either side of his cheeks. He nibbles on the knuckle of his thumb as I toy with his opening.

"Alright, angel. Since you've been so good." I don't bother taking off any clothes, I never do. Cas is always face down. Now that I think of it he's probably never even seen my shirtless. I chuckle as I pull myself out of my jeans and boxers. I slip in with a grunt. Cas is still tight despite the stretching.

"Baby, you can do better than this. I'm gonna hurt you if you don't make sure you're loose enough." I coax into his ear as he rocks back against me. His breath is short and quick, I doubt he's even listening as he groans softly against his clenched fist, eyes squeezing shut as I bury myself in completely.

"Can feel you squeezing me, gotta' relax." I kiss at his bunched shoulders and the little knobs on the back of his spine. He makes a broken noise and slumps against the hood, eyes flickering open.

"Dean, I need you." He's dangerously close to whining. I feel my chest clench up like it always does when Cas starts talking during our little trysts. He's usually content to listen, only contributing in his beautifully shattered moans and little whimpers in the back of his throat.

"Need me to what?" I ask, I'm being a smartass. Cas huffs out in annoyance and pushed back, hips rolling against mine. I grunt, lurching forward as I hold onto his hip with one hand and plant another on the hood above his shoulder to steady myself. He knows exactly how to work those neat little hips of his.

"Fuck me." Cas's eyes are half hooded when he utters the demand and I grin. Gripping him tight I fuck him into the hood, hard. Cas likes it rough, I tried being gentle with him a few times after the first drunken fumble we'd done in his bed. But he'd always get louder when I picked up speed or boss him around.

"Dean." Cas murmurs. I groan, shifting my fingers through his hair.

"Dean!" I scowl, because Cas sounds too high pitched.

"Dean, wake up!" Anna laughs. I sit up, jerking out of my sleep. I'm covered in sweat, my erection is thick and painful between my thighs.

"Having a good dream?" Anna smiles, hair ruffled from sleep. I flush darkly.

"What?" I demand, how much had I said?

"You were moaning in your sleep, and then I saw _that-_" She points to my obvious erection tenting the thin blanket.

"I thought maybe I could help you out ..." Anna leans forward, kissing me softly. The kiss feels good. Warm and soft, but it's wrong. It shouldn't be, but it is. I can't fuck Anna when I got a woody for her baby brother.

"No thanks." I wince at how brisk I say it, like a total brush off. I turn to explain but Anna's face has fallen. Her eyes narrow and she kicks me.

"You're such a dick, get out!" She shouts. I scramble out of the room as she hurls pillows at me.

"Anna, I didn't mean it like tha-"

"Get out!" She hits me with a thick pillow and I grunt, shutting the door to our room behind us. In the hallway, Bobby leans out of his bedroom, it's strange to see him without his trucker hat.

"Trouble with the missus?" Bobby huffs. I nod shakily, adrenaline coursing through my veins from the rude awakening and the awesome dream.

"Looks like you got couch duty." Bobby snickers, tossing me a pillow and shutting his door firmly. I catch it and amble down the hallway downstairs to the couch. The door to Sam and Cas's room is half open.

Sam's snoring lightly, one leg half off the bed and the other crooked awkwardly on the other. His hair is a tangle of knots on his head. He looks like a little boy, and some of my arousal dampens with affection for my little bro.

But then I spot Castiel.

He's hugging a pillow tightly, briefs snug on his plump little ass. His legs are tangled in the sheets and he's shirtless. I can see one of his pale pink little rosebud nipples peaking on his chest. My breath goes shallow with lust.

My little fucking brother is right there, two feet away from the object of my sick fucking desires. Already the guilt's crushing me, but I curl my hand beneath my pants, stroking my dick.

Fuck, it feels good. Cas's ass all hiked up for the taking. I could just stroll in there and pull down his little underwear and fuck his hole. God, he'd just let me too. Blue eyes all wet as he smothered his big dick sucker lips into the pillow so we wouldn't wake Sam.

But I can't take the chance of Sam waking up, not when Cas is so loud. So I just gotta jerk myself off, watching his little hips twitch occasionally and try not to growl out his name.

I shove my pants far enough to get my dick out and begin a faster pace, using my precum to slick the way. I pump my hips into my fists, glancing quickly down the hallway just to make sure no ones watching me be a fucking sick freak. When I look back Cas is watching me. His nose is still buried in the pillow I wish was me. His eyes are half lidded and sleepy as he watches me.

"Cas-" I choke out, stopping. Does he think I'm a freak? That I'm gross? He doesn't even move, he's just watching me with sleepy eyes. I lick my lips, wrapping a loose fist around my cock to slide into. Cas blinks slowly, before rolling onto his back. He stretches out, and fuck.

His nipples, man. They swelled slightly off his chest, all pink and tender looking. I wanted to suck on them, make them swollen and sore until he squirmed every time I even breathed on one. His belly was soft, his briefs just tight enough to dig into his fleshy sides. I groaned, using my other hand to bit into my fist to keep myself quiet.

Cas arched, throwing one arm above his head. His dark hair was messy and sticking up everywhere. His briefs had a little wet stain on the front of the tiny bulge beginning to pucker. I took a step into the room and Cas tensed, eyes flicking to Sam.

I cursed, going back to the door frame and reaching down to tug at my balls. Fuck, I wanted to cum so bad. On Cas, in him. I wanted to smear him with it. Make him smell like me.

Cas gasped, as if he could read my thoughts. His hips darted into the air, and his legs fell open to present the swell of his wet little dick.

'_Dean-_' He mouthed, large eyes damp and sleepy. I grunted, coming hard into my fist. Cas watched with his eyelashes lowered. I clung to the door frame, staring at him for way to long. He stared right back.

Sam grunted, rolling over to face Cas in his sleep and I skipped back into the hallway pulling up my pants. Cas rolled back over, pulling the covers around him. I sighed, going downstairs to wash my hands and sleep on the lumpy couch.


	5. Chapter 5

I do not own Supernatural.

* * *

o0~Forgive Me~0o

"Cas! You ready?!" Sam cries from downstairs. It's so unbearably hot. My shirt sticks to my chest.

"Castiel! We're all waiting for you!" Anna's voice is sharp, and angry. She has been in a bad mood all morning. Something must have happened with her and Dean the night previous. She hadn't said anything to me, so I could only hope Dean and I's secret was safe.

"Cas! Get your ass down here!" Dean barks, and I sigh, shuffling down the stairs. Sam bursts out in laughter the moment he sees me, I flush and glare at my bare feet. It's so hot.

"They look cute." Anna comforts. She had purchased me the most ridiculous swim trunks in the world. They were much too small, they looked like tiny little short shorts a girl might wear over her bikini to the beach. They were a bright red with a white thin strip around the thigh. My thin white tee shirt was soaked through, showing my bare chest through the sweaty cling of it.

"Jesus Christ, Anna. He looks like he should be in a bad twink porno." Dean spits, glaring at my shorts like they've personally offended him. His loud declaration sends his younger brother into another laughing fit. I feel my cheeks burn.

"They look fine, Cas has nice legs." She smiles as me, patting my butt as she leads me to the car.

"This is humiliating." I inform her stiffly.

"You look great." She rebukes easily.

"Then why is Sam having trouble getting enough oxygen in his lungs?" I grumble. She giggles and slides into the back seat with me. Now I am sure her and Dean had a fight.

We drive down the dirt path to the large river in the back of property. I help Anna set up a blanket and the picnic basket.

"Sam, Dean, Sunblock!" She shouts. But Sam and Dean had already bypassed helping us set up and jumped off the large rock into the deeper portion of the river. Trying to see which could keep the other under the water longest as they wrestled. It was endearing seeing the brothers together.

"Get off!" Sam spluttered, his hair covering his eyes as Dean swatted at him and shoved him back under the currents. I bent down to straighten the blanket on the pebbled shore. I glanced back to see Dean staring, right before Sam took advantage of his distraction to shove him under.

"Idiots." Anna smiled, tugging off my shirt. I allowed her to smear me in the protective cream. I desperately wanted to get in the water, it was humid and hot. My hair curled against my damp forehead as I sat cross legged waiting impatiently for Anna to finish covering my back and arms.

"Get my back for me, Cassie." She said, turning. I looked to the water longingly, but quickly helped my sister.

"Be careful, okay. There's rocks. Don't let them push you around either." She said, shooting a glare at Sam and Dean who had found a long rope and were now climbing a tree to build a rope swing into the river.

"Aren't you getting in?" I asked, going cross eyed as she dabbed my nose with sunblock.

"In a little bit. I didn't sleep well last night, I'm gonna take a nap." She said with false cheeriness. Worry pressed at my chest but I nodded. Kicking off my flip flops I stepped up to the water.

As expected it was cool and relief spread through me as I dove in. I loved swimming, it felt like flying to me. I was on the schools swim team until the harassment over Lucifer got to be too much.

The water was clear, I could see the tiny fish struggling against the current. The shiny smooth stones on the bottom of the creek caught the light and glittered.

There was a loud splash in front of me and I was drug to the bottom of the river. Dean's lips were pursed, and bubbles streamed from his nose as he pressed his mouth into mine, sliding a hand around to cup my bottom. I sucked in a large breath, and gagged on the water. Seeing my panic, he quickly pushed off the bottom and pulled me to his chest. I coughed painfully, he roughly slapped my back.

"What did you do!" Anna screamed from the shore.

"Nothing!" He shouted back, but anyone who knew Dean could hear the thick guilt in his voice.

"I'm fine." I rasped. Pressing closer to Dean even though he was trying to pull away to get a better look at me. He swam us both over to the shore.

"You can't be so rough with him, he's just a kid, Dean!" Anna was yelling. I wanted to argue that me and Sam were the same age, but it was obviously different. Sam very much had an adult body, while I was still small.

"I know." Dean was staring at my trembling hands, my body trying to regulate itself after the short trauma. I was fine, I just swallowed some river water. It wasn't even Dean's fault. If I wasn't so sensitive, I wouldn't have raked in a nonexistent breath.

"Cas, are you okay?" Sam's big hands clasped over my shoulders. I nodded, I hated all this attention. I had ruined what could have been a great day at the river with my family.

"I'm sorry." Dean apologized. I looked up in shock. I also saw Anna blinking at him in confusion.

"I'm sorry." He repeated, licking his wet lips and looking away. His hair was wetly hanging down on his forehead, and the sun hit his eyes to make them gleam like the stones at the bottom of the river.

I moved forward to kiss him without even thinking, but Sam's heavy hand on my shoulder served as a reminder that we weren't alone at the last moment. I winced, leaning back into Sam.

"It's fine." I breathed. Anna didn't look impressed with her boyfriend. But she settled back on the blanket, reading the book she had brought.

"Wanna go try out the rope swing?" Sam suggested as the three of us sat in silence on the shore. I nodded, letting Sam race me across the river to the thick tree they had tied the rope to.

* * *

We played for hours at the river. Anna eventually joining us and all of us splashing each other before settling on the shore to eat lunch.

"Oh no!" Anna shouted, clutching at her throat. I looked up from where I was digging my toes into the sand.

"What's wrong?" Dean demanded, looking her over with worry. A thick pulse of jealousy ran through me.

"My necklace, it's gone. I had it this morning. It must have fallen off." She bit her lip, on the verge of tears. The little bottle necklace was a family heirloom, from her real family. She had cherished it her entire life.

"I'll find it." I promised. Sam, Dean, and I began the search. We looked for hours.

"It must have floated down river." Sam sighed, running a hand through his drying hair. He was sleepy, like an energetic puppy who had played all day.

"I'll swim down stream and look for it." I told Anna. We had to get on the road soon, Anna and Dean had to be back at the college by Monday for finals.

"Dean, will you go with him?" Anna asked, as her and Sam started loading up the car. Dean hesitated before nodding.

"Yeah, okay." He was frowning. I tried not to pay him too much attention. We searched the bottom of the river, but in the dimming light it would be almost impossible to find. We were silent as we lazily let the current take us down stream, eyes roaming the bottom of the creek for the tiny glass bottle.

"Hey, Cas-" Dean called, a little further ahead. We were already a good mile from were we had originally made camp.

"Yes?" I asked, looking up. The water felt warmer now, the sunset was dim and fireflies were gathering in the woods to fly in drowsy circles.

"I'm real sorry, about earlier. I didn't mean to hurt you." Dean mumbled. He had steered clear of me for most of the day, not even splashing me when we had the big water fight.

"I was just shocked, so I swallowed some water. It's not the end of the world." I mimicked a phrase I had heard him use multiple times when Sam got overly dramatic. He sent me a small tender smile that made my heart pound a little too quickly.

"Look, a waterfall." Dean nodded behind me. A large waterfall split the river in half, making a small outlet for the water to run into. Dean and I found the bottle at the bottom of it's smooth sandy bottom.

"We should head back. It's getting late." I watch the sun continue to sink behind the dense trees surrounding us. The fireflies dance around the water now, lighting up Dean's face. It's beautiful and for a moment I'm mesmerized.

"Let's check out the waterfall." Dean doesn't wait for me, knowing I'd follow him into hell and back. There's a small cove behind the waterfall and Dean swims behind it. The sound of the pounding water makes it so he has to yell when I join him beneath.

"This is some romance novel shit." Dean laughs, watching me reach my hand out to touch the water beating down. It pulses against my hand, colder than the water of the river. I don't respond, watching the fireflies through the curtain of liquid that now look like little distorted fairies when blurred. I'm about to tell Dean, when a hand curls around my waist pulling me close.

"Dean-" I suck in a gasp of air when Dean presses me against the warm moss covered cave wall. His hands slide around my hips. They're big and calloused, I slot my fingers between his and he turns his palms until our hands are knitted together.

He presses our joined hands on the cave wall on either side of my head. His kisses are slow and deep, licking into my mouth.

He tastes like river water and the watermelon we ate earlier.

Dean moves back when I gasp for breath, our eyes meet in the dim sunlight. The sound of the storming water blocks out something Dean mumbles before our mouths crash back together. Dean's hands slide up my bare thighs, squeezing and kneading my bottom before pulling me close to grind lazily into. His body completely covers mine, holding me in place as he moves.

"Dean." I rasp, when he finally pulls away to let me breath again. Dean opens his mouth to say something.

"Dean! Cas!" Sam's far off cry is muted. Dean groans, dropping his forehead against my shoulder. I stroke over his back, carting my fingers through his hair like I've been wanting to do all day. The strands are wet, and Dean shivers when I cup the back of his neck, pulling him impossibly closer.

"Can we hid in here forever?" Dean asks, the question catches me off guard. I go stiff under him, and look up in shock. Panic spreads over his face and he forces a laugh, jerking away like I've shocked him.

"I'm kidding. Let's go." He swims out from the waterfall. My lips are still tingling and swollen when we get into the car.

* * *

The car ride home is awkward. Dean and Anna aren't talking, and it seems like Dean isn't talking to me either, which means I won't talk to him. Sam is angry at me, because I won't lie and say he is spending the night at my house so he can sneak out and have sex with Kevin when we get home. So the trip back is miserable.

"This sucks." Sam huffs for the umpteenth time. Glaring out the window. I have my book spread over my knees, focusing on not getting carsick.

"Shut up, Sam." Dean tosses back without any bite. He seems tired, his sunglasses sit low on his nose, a small frown tugging his full lips downwards. I wish we could kiss. Pull the car over and get lost in the forest again, only me and him. His eyes flicker to mine before shooting away. I sulk as loudly as possible even though the action itself is silent.

"What's wrong, Cassie?" Anna turns around, crossing her arms over the back of her seat and setting her chin on top of them.

"Nothing." I quickly straighten, anxiety replaces annoyance. Anna rolls her eyes and turns back around.

"Wanna a play a game?" Sam asks me, his mind restless. He can't read in cars because it makes him ill.

"Which game?" I ask, still preoccupied with my book. Anna's playing with the radio, and Dean's desperately trying not to explode. Anna knows Dean hates when people mess with the radio, she's doing it on purpose.

"Truth or Dare." Sam grins. One of his favorites.

"Okay." I say, simply to give my friend something other to do than sigh and stare out the window.

"You first." He grins, eyes blazing with mischief.

"Truth or Dare?" I ask him, turning the page in my book. I'm rereading some of Shakespeare.

"Dare!" He crows, puffing out his chest.

"I dare you to try and put your foot behind your head." I smile, that should keep him preoccupied for a few minutes. Sam was notoriously not flexible, in gym he could barely bend in half.

"Come on!" Sam whined, grabbing his ankle and trying to lift it upwards. He almost made it to his chest. I tried not to laugh at him, but it was difficult. After several minutes he gave him.

"Your turn!" He growled, getting too close to try and intimidate me. I could smell the sweat clinging to his skin, it smelt similar to Dean. I inhaled, letting out a short whine when he pulled the book from my lap and peered at it.

"Sam!" I reached for it and he pulled away.

"Truth or Dare." He grinned, holding it out of my reach. I glared at him.

"Truth." I spat, just to spite him. I knew he hated when people wanted truth.

"Are you still a virgin?" He asked with a smile. I blanched, eyes going wide, and I let my eyes dart to Dean's in the mirror. He didn't even flinch, his gaze steely and on the road. Anna whipped around.

"O-Of course." I stuttered.

"You hesitated," She cried, she turned to Dean. "He hesitated!" She looked panicked.

"He's seventeen, of course he's not a virgin." Dean's easy tone was a little too monitored, he would have been teasing me if it were anyone else.

"Who did you have sex with, Castiel!" Anna turned around, eyes blazing with protectiveness. I flushed dark red as Sam gaped at me. Was I really that obvious?

"No one!" I lied.

"Liar!" Sam pointed at me in disbelief. Sam knew what a terrible liar I was. I desperately looked for a way out. But speeding down the highway in a crowded Impala didn't leave for many options.

"Castiel, you're too young!" Anna fretted. Sam was way more sexually active than me, I'd only done it once with ... Dean. But Sam and Kevin had been doing it daily, in fact Kevin was younger than both of us. I flushed at the realization. Kevin was very young.

"Hey, leave em' alone." Dean frowned.

"Shut up, Dean." Anna hissed.

"Who is it? Who's your secret lover?" Sam pressed, his brow knitted torn between concern and annoyance at me not telling him. I clamped my mouth shut tight and looked to Dean for help in the mirror, he steadily looked anywhere but me as I took on the onslaught.

"Meg!" I blurt when Anna and Sam glare at me for answers. Meg is our neighbor and she had made it abundantly clear that she was interested in me romantically. Although I enjoy her dry wit, and biting sense of humor I never felt such inclinations towards her. Anna's eyes go wide.

"Castiel! She's two years older than you!" Anna chastises. My face goes red, because if only she knew that Dean; who was several years older, was the one to deflower me. I look out the window.

"It's nothing. It was a one time thing." I assure them both, because Sam is just sitting there staring at me with his mouth gaped open.

"She's not your girlfriend?" Anna asks, and I shake my head quickly. Hopefully if I explain to Meg she will back my lame attempt at misleading my best friend and sister. Dean sits quietly in the drivers seat, speeding down the freeway. We all sit in silence for the rest of the trip.


	6. Chapter 6

I do not own Supernatural.

* * *

o0~Forgive Me~0o

I stood awkwardly in front of the door. I raise my knuckles to knock before dropping my hand back to my side, fist clenched.

"You gonna stand there all day?" Meg asks, opening the door. I flush bright pink as she smiles at me. Meg is lovely, with sharp eyes and an even sharper smile. Her dark hair hung in loose curls over her leather jacket. She gestured me inside.

"Thank you." I shuffled in, chewing on my lip.

"Finally here to take me up on that proposal?" She asked, leaning against the wall in the hallway.

"No!" I nearly yelled, stumbling back as she raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"N-No-I," I licked my lips and sighed, running a hand through my hair. I blinked at myself, realizing it was a very Dean like movement; I must have mimicked without realizing it.

"I lied about something, and I need your help."

"What did you lie about?" Meg asked, smiling slowly. Meg always approved when I did things she dubbed 'bad', she found it 'all manner of hot'.

"I said we-I said you took my virginity." I blurted hastily, glaring down at my converse. I plucked at the shirt I was wearing and glanced up at Meg. She took a step forward, Meg was very small she fit below my chin and grinned up at me.

"That doesn't have to be a lie, Clarence." She smiled, leaning forward until our lips nearly touched. I yelped, stumbling back and hitting the door hard. Meg rolled her eyes.

"My virginity is no longer for the taking." I admitted, looking up at her with large eyes. Although I did not share romantic feelings for Meg, other than slight attraction, I did care about her opinions on me. Meg's eyes went wide.

"Who popped your cherry?" She asked, brow lifted. I shrugged.

"I can't say." I mumbled tensely. Meg snorted.

"What your little girlfriend doesn't want it getting out you're a grower not a shower?" She purred, but I could see the bright flashes of jealousy in her eyes. Of course Meg would think it was a female I had given my chastity too. I sighed, turning towards the door.

"If Anna asks, could you say it was you?" I mumble, hoping Meg will help. Meg let's out a short bark of laughter.

"Let your girlfriend take the heat." She spits. I sigh, going out the door and hoping I hadn't lost a close friend.

* * *

Thankfully Anna is too busy with Dean to bother with Meg. So my secret is safe until I figure out a way to convince Meg to help. If Anna does go to Meg and find out she is not my 'secret lover' it could be very dangerous for Dean and I.

_'Meet me my place'_ Sam texted me. I sighed, much preferring to call. But my generation didn't seem to share my sentiments.

'_Yes, Sam. I will be there.'_ I type back slowly. I am not very good with technology. Sam and Kevin were saying goodnight, while me and Sam spent the night playing video games and watching movies. Kevin insisted on us having 'boys night' at least once a week. Kevin was very thoughtful.

I opened the door to the Winchester apartment and expected to see Sam setting up his gaming console in the living room. Instead I was met with silence.

_'Where are you?'_ I text him, dropping my overnight bag by the door and settling on his couch. It would not be the first time Sam had stood me up, spending an extra few hours cuddling his boyfriend in post coital sex. My phone rang and I picked it up.

"Can you come in an hour or two?" Sam asked breathily. I could hear Kevin sucking on his neck. I sighed heavily, rubbing at my forehead.

"I'm already here." I huff impatiently. Sam is exhausting sometimes.

"Just hang out then, we got food in the fridge and Dean's over at Anna's." Sam breaks off into a moan.

"Bye Cas." Kevin's smiling voice sounds into the phone before I'm met with a dial tone. I glare at the object before throwing it on the other side of the couch. I should just leave, and teach Sam a lesson about not standing up his friends.

I click on the TV before going into the kitchen. I will have a hearty meal before leaving Sam's apartment. Maybe I can put something gross under his pillow as punishment. After eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich I search for dessert and find a tub of icecream. I heat up a slice of pie before scooping out a large dollop on top. The Winchester house is never without pie.

I'm seated comfortably on the couch, watching an old movie when hands grip my shoulders. I choke on my last bite of pie as Dean glares down at me.

"What are you doing here? I almost killed you." Dean snaps, green eyes flashing with annoyance. I feel my face flush as I drop my fork, drawing Dean's attention to my plate.

"Sam was supposed to meet me, but he is still at Ke-Studying at the library. So he told me to wait for him." I lie. All these lies keep piling up, I feel like I'm drowning in them.

"Was that my pie?!" Dean barks out incredulously. I look down at my empty plate holding nothing but crumbs and some left over icecream. I giggle nervously as Dean stomps over to the fridge. He slams it shut, eyes glaring down at me.

"Coming into a man's house and eating his pie? That's damn near a federal offence." Dean's face is dark, the only thing lighting up the living room is the light from the TV. I lick the cream from my lips and Dean tracks the movement.

"I'm sorry." I mutter, Dean seats himself beside me, taking the plate and fork and depositing it on the table.

"You gonna make it up to me?" Dean asks, voice raspy and threatening.

"Yes." My voice cracks when I answer, Dean leans in close, his arm behind my shoulder.

"Gonna let me have a taste?" He asks, green eyes already focused on my lips. They tremble as I nod and he smirks, pressing his dry lips into my slick. I whimper softly, leaning up into him. We hadn't touched since the waterfall which had felt like so long ago. I was still unsure on what was permitted. How much I was allowed to indulge in Dean. We had only had three sessions together. The first drunken night when he had taken my virginity, the time in the backseat of the Impala, and the heated kisses under the waterfall.

With how much Dean had been invading my thoughts, it had felt like our relationship was so much more developed.

"Taste like cherry pie, Cas." Dean smirked against my mouth when I let out a small noise. He cupped the back of my neck, leading me down on the couch. It registered in the back of my mind that Sam and Kevin have surely had sex in this exact spot before.

"Dean, please." I slide my hands against his chest, wrapping them around his neck. He shuttered.

* * *

Getting pissed off over pie theft was a perfectly logical reaction. Having the pie thief withering around under you was not the solution.

Cas tasted so fucking good, and he kept making these little noises like he didn't know what was happening to him. Like the swell of his pretty little dick was foreign to him. I grinned as he spread his legs, letting me sink between them.

"Sam-" Cas moaned, arching under my hands sliding up his back. My hands froze. Cas looked up, blue eyes blurry and confused.

"What did you just say?" I demanded. Cas's face slipped with bewilderment until his cheeks burnt bright red.

"No, it's a misunderstand. I-I was thinking about how he might walk in on us, and it just came out." Cas stuttered, trying to pull me back down. My hands were shaking I was so pissed.

If it was anyone fucking else but Sammy, I would have killed them.

I still wanted to give Sam a black eye though. Who the fuck did the little queer think he was? Hanging all over Cas. I moved of Cas, ignoring the way he pawed at me, trying to get me out of my head. But all his excuses might as well of been in a foreign language. I was so mad right now, he could confess his love to me and I still wouldn't listen.

"You're fucking mine." I gritted out, more to myself. I sounded like a neanderthal but I didn't care. Cas was mine, those big pretty blue eyes and soft pale thighs were all mine. I wanted to brand him, to tattoo it into his skin 'Dean Winchester Owns This Sweet Little Ass'.

"Dean, please listen. It's you, it's only you." He murmurs, pressing soft kisses under my jaw, one of his legs thrown between mine. I really like Cas hanging all over me, and maybe we should fight more if I get to have him crawling all over me like this. I grip the back of his hair and I'm seriously meaning to drag him in for a punishing kiss, but before I can stop myself I'm shoving him down between my legs.

Shocked azure eyes stare up at me like I'm a God.

"Dean please don't push me away." Cas whimpers, slender pale fingers gripping my thighs. My hands still buried in his hair as he nuzzles his cheek into my jeans.

"Ain't pushing you away, gonna fill up that pretty mouth of yours so I don't have to hear anymore of your bullshit." I bit out, Cas's eyes go even wider. His pink lips are swollen from our kissing and fuck I shouldn't be doing this. Cas is a kid, he's a kid. A kid with dick sucker lips.

"Dean?" Cas is confused, eyes wide and searching as I press his mouth against the erection in my jeans. He's so focused on my face he doesn't even realize his plush pink lips are dragging over my zipper. I shutter, nearly creaming my pants. Cas is so fucking trusting, it makes me want to simultaneously lock him up in a tower and fucking him into my mattress.

"Gonna make it so you can't open your mouth without remembering who's been inside you. Who owns you." My voice is a rumbly growl that I can barely recognize. Cas's eyelids flicker, his long lashes brushing his pink cheeks. He finally realizes where I have his mouth pressed against and he tries to jerk back, I hold him still and he gasps.

His eyes clash up with mine. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do and it scares him.

"Lick." I command. Cas let's out a damp breath over the bulge in my jeans. Slowly he presses a kiss to the small wet stain. I curse.

"You been sucking off my little brother? I ain't enough for your slutty hole?" I grind my teeth as Cas sucks in a breath, he shakes his head and noses at my cock through my jeans. Shyly pressing his pink tongue against the seam, making my jeans wet.

"Put your mouth on it, don't act like it's your first time." Cas is a fucking kid and I shouldn't be saying porn worthy shit to him. But every time I do, he cants his hips back and let's out a panicked little breath.

It's driving me fucking crazy. I can deep the damp heat of his mouth every time he breaths against my cock trapped behind the sturdy cloth of my newly favorite jeans.

Cas wraps his lips over the outline of my cock against my thigh. I groan, tossing my head back. My hand cups his face, my thumb stroking the soft curls above his ear.

"Little harder baby, can't feel you." I coax, and Cas is as obedient as ever. He leans forward until his palms are flat on the carpet, he suckles on the tip of my cock which is fucking pulsing under my wet jeans. Cas does a little flicker with his tongue that has be squirting out a glob of precum which he sucks through the cloth.

"Fuck-" I grip Cas by the hair and pull him off, he let's out a whine that makes my nails scratch lightly over his scalp. I unzip my jeans, I can't even get my cock out before Cas is delving to suck at it through my boxers.

"Fuck, fuck-" I grunt, holding the back of his head as I roll up against his hot mouth. Cas is breathing hard against my dick, still on all fours I can see where his shirt as slide down to reveal the top off his ass showing from his own loose jeans.

Cas reaches up and grips my thighs, holding them steady when I start to shake.

"Let me cum in your mouth." I croak, my throat raw like I'm the one whose been sucking on cock. Cas's bird like shoulders twitch as he lays his cheek against my thigh, waiting impatiently for me too pull myself out. He breaths hard, eyes watching me half lidded as I adjust myself.

Cas looks fucking beautiful, cheeks flushed and eyes shining. My chest aches and I shove it down. I grip my dick and slowly press the blunt tip against his lips, smearing the precum over them until it looks like he's wearing that goopy shit Anna always dabs on her mouth.

Cas's lips part, but his eyes don't leave mine. I let my gaze skate between his eyes and the view of his big lips parting for my cock to slide into, his cheek is still resting on my thigh and the angle's awkward. But I can feel his warm breath on my balls as I finally push into his mouth. His pink tongue darts out experimentally to touch the tip and I grin.

"Good boy." I praise. Cas shutters and sits up, finally looking down at my dick. He laps at the underside, reaching up hesitantly touch touch the base.

"Am I allowed to touch you?" Cas asks softly, under his breath. His eyes won't meet mine. An animalistic noise rips from my throat and Cas's breathing get's harder.

"You can touch, sweetheart." I pet his head and he nuzzles against my hand before returning his attention back to my dick. He keeps sucking on the tip, not knowing how to give a real blow job. I'm torn between frustration and coming on the spot from how cute he is.

"Gotta take more down baby, gotta let me fuck your mouth." I say, pulling him down and he let's out that little whine that makes my jaw clench. I slowly roll into his slack lips, he's not sucking, just holding me in his mouth as I slowly fuck down his throat.

"Suck." I grit, and immediately he's sloppily drooling. Finally he gets the hang of it, bobbing along as he swallows around my dick. I keep murmuring praises to him, stroking and tugging at his hair.

"Watch your teeth." I remind, yanking at his hair. He moans as he pulls off with a pop, before quickly diving back down to suck me down. He's such a good boy, such a fast learner. I hate how he makes me.

Something about Cas turns me into a lunatic. A possessive, jealous, bossy dick who controls him. But Cas just fucking takes it. I know Cas, and I know he can stand up for himself. He's done it when Sam got a little too pushy. But with me ... he just takes it.

I cum heavily, my balls swelling up. Cas tries swallowing, but it gushes down his chin. I pull him back by his hair and cum on his face too.

Jesus Fucking Christ.

Cas coughs demurely, blue eyes blinking as he sits back on his heels, hands still curled loosely around my thighs. His lips are parted as he dips his tongue into the cum still oozing down his chin. My cock gives a valiant twitch.

"Look good, covered in my cum." I grin lazily down at him, trying to play it cool. My hearts racing in my chest.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." Cas smiles softly, pressing the clean side of his face against my thigh and nuzzling like a happy cat. My cum's splattered over his cheek and chin, and the light from the TV makes it reflect off the strand on his eyelash which glitters.

I stroke his hair. I've never had anyone like being covered in my cum. But Cas seems perfectly content on his knees, as long as he can rub against me. I drink in the sight before sighing, reaching over to grab the tissue to clean him up. Cas looks like he's about to protest when I wipe off his glistening lips.

"What, you think I'm not gonna let you get off?" I grin, tapping my boot against the bulge in his jeans. He blushes as I pull him up, he lets me man handle him into my lap.

I kiss at his neck as I slide my hand down to cup him through his jeans. He gasps, hips darting forward. I reach around behind him, there is a gap between his ass and his jeans where they are too loose. I slip my hand in between his skin and boxers and rub at his hole. He cries out, little fingers digging into my shoulders as he ruts against me.

"You did a good job, baby. You want me to let you come?" I'm sucking hickies into his pale neck, all along his shoulder and under his jaw. He nods, letting out a little mew as I hook a finger inside his hole and tug. The muscle clench and I grin.

"You gotta play with your ass more, I want it loose for me." I remind, lifting him up by his thigh and pulling him further into my lap.

"Yes, Dean." Cas breaths, eyelashes dragging over my neck as he pants into my collarbone. He's so fucking cute, all clingy like he can't live without me. I pull him impossibly closer, rubbing the little swell of his jeans against my lower stomach. He whines, taking the hint and starts darting his hips forward.

I circle around the puckered rim of his ass. Dipping in and watching his hips follow the movement. I flip him around, seating him in my lap and he squirms at the loss of not having his ass played with. I throw either of his thighs on the outside of my spread ones and his little pale chest rises and falls rapidly.

"Dean-" Cas frowns, rubbing his ass against my hips. I snicker, holding his hips with one hand and rubbing the trace the zipper of his jeans with the other. I can feel a little wet spot beginning to form.

"Tell me, Cas." I grin against his bruised neck, sucking another kiss there. He pouts, restlessly moving his hips.

"My-Touch me here." He mutters shyly, rubbing his ass hard into my semi hard dick. I didn't know my recovery rate was so fast.

"I am touching you." I smirk, cupping his dick through his jeans. He ruts against my hand, laying his head back over my shoulder. I suck at his exposed neck.

"No," His hand slides into the one still digging into his hip, his fingers push mine into the back of his pants. "Here." He breaths shallowly, like a rabbit. I kiss at his temple, pulling my hand back out. He let's out an annoyed noise. I unzip his pants and slide my hand under his boxers, I grind the heel of my palm into his dick and he hisses bucking forward sharply. I bar my arm over his chest as I bypass his dick, now wet with his precum and start prying into his hole.

"Want me to get you loose?" I smirk, biting at the underside of his jaw as he nods shakily.

"Want me fingers in your greedy little cunt?" I nip at the meat in his shoulder and he keens, arching sharply from my body. I snarl, kissing at the dark bruise I left.

"Yes, please, please." He sobs, turning his face to me. His back is still to my chest, so it's hard to kiss. I grunt, and slide a finger deep inside him. His body spasms, and he cums in his jeans. I snort, pulling my hand out and zipping him back up. He slumps against me, turning in my lap to be facing me. His legs hazardously straddling my hips.

"Thank you." He pants, sweaty forehead pressed against my shoulder. He kisses my chest and I smile. The door opens and Cas jumps back, landing with a thump on the floor.

"Dean is Cas here?" Sam asks, yawning loudly.

"I'm here!" Cas bleets, sitting at my knees and facing the TV. Cas likes sitting on the ground so it's not unusual. Thank fuck the back of the couch is facing the door and partially blocking the view, or we'd be screwed.

"Sorry I kept you waiting." Sam whines, scrambling to hug Cas. Cas flushes and his lips smash together, trying to hid my scent still on his breath.

I can't help but grin.

"It's okay. Me and Dean had fun." Cas's eyes dart to mine wickedly over my brothers head. Fuck, I might be in love.


	7. Chapter 7

I do not own Supernatural.

* * *

o0~Forgive Me~0o

Today has been worse than usual. At school I'm usually tormented with spitballs and crude words. But today my assailants must have seen the happiness radiating off of me and decided to try and snuff it out.

By the end of the school day I soda making my shirt sticky, little wads of spit balls in my hair, and a bruised knee from being shoved down in the hallway.

"Hey Cas." Lisa smiled, holding her books to her chest. I nodded to her and watched her smile go tight.

"Who did that?" She demanded, brown eyes narrowing. She knew better than to assume I had spilled it on myself.

"It was an accident." I lied, shifting on my feet uncomfortably. I had to start walking home. My parents would wonder why I was late.

"Castiel-" Lisa's motherly tone was cut short as her eyes went wide.

"Oh my god." She breathed. I blinked at her in confusion, about to turn around to see what she was looking at. She grabbed my shoulder and held me in place before I could.

"Don't look, oh my god. It's Dean Winchester. He's like a regulation bad boy hottie." Lisa nearly swooned. I felt my cheeks heat up as she spoke about him. I was well aware of what the girls at our school thought of Dean. He was a sort of minor celebrity within our small town. His good looks, paired with his roguish persona made the girls squeal whenever he was mentioned.

"Castiel. Dean Winchester is walking over here." Lisa squeaked like all the air from her lungs had been pushed out. I swallowed thickly, licking my lips as I heard the heavy footfalls of his boots approach. Most of the student body was focused on him.

"Cas, hey man." Dean shouldered up beside me, nodding to Lisa with a wink. She let out a pained noise and turned a cute pink.

"You seen, Sammy?" Dean asked me, green eyes lit with mischief. We both knew that Sam was tutoring freshmen in the library until six today.

"I haven't." I said, looking at the scuffs in his brown boots. His hip bumped mine as he moved closer, ruffling my hair as I squirmed.

"You need a ride, since I'm here already?" He asked, his voice going low and rumbly. He wasn't really asking, he came to pick me up and expected me to go. I licked my lips nervously and heard him suck in a breath. I let my eyes dart up to Lisa who was watching us with wide eyes.

"Yes, thank you." I murmured. Dean had already whirled me around before I could get the sentence out, his arm heavy around my shoulders.

I got into the passenger seat and Dean started the car, leaving a trail of smoke behind him as he squealed out of the parking lot. Dean didn't speak as he drove quickly into the forest off the freeway leading to my house. He took a reclusive road up and as soon as the car was off I was pulled across the seat.

"Been too long, Cas." Dean smirked into my neck. Lifting me until I was straddling his lap, my back arched against the steering wheel. His big hands folded over my hips, lowering me down to his groin. I gasped softly, nosing under his chin until he kissed me. Lips soft against my chapped ones.

"We saw each other yesterday." I reminded against his smile. He grinned wider, pressing a playful kiss against my mouth with a loud smack.

"Too long." He murmured. He kissed me roughly, hands palming my bottom as he rolled up into my ass. I could feel his erection sliding against my hole. I moaned softly into his mouth, frantically kissing him.

"I'm gonna be late, my parents are waiting." I panted, gritting my teeth when he spread my ass, pushing up between my cheeks.

"I'll tell them I took you out for icecream." He smirked. I rolled my eyes. His hands shoved under my shirt. His hands froze and I blinked up at him in surprise.

"What the hell?" His eyebrow raised and he pulled a face as his fingers stuck together. I felt my cheeks burn brightly. I scrambled off of him.

"Did you spill soda or something?" He teased, looking over me. His eyes lifted to my hair for the first time to spot the spit balls, he reached across and picked one from my hair in confusion. Slowly understanding fell over his features, probably from his years in high school when he had been a bully. If Dean was still in my school he might of been one of my tormentors.

"Who did this?" He demanded, voice hard like a crack of lightening in the car.

"Some boys, it's not a big deal-"

"Their names." Dean gritted, grabbing my ankle and pulling me across the seat. I expected a hard kiss or a tight grip on my chin. Instead gentle hands carefully set to shifting through my hair to pick out the spit balls. I winced, blushing as he pulled at one particularly stuck.

"Fucking brats, I'll give em' a taste of their own medicine." Dean growled, tilting my head back against his chest as his strong fingers rifled through my thick dark hair. It was nearly comforting, how Dean carefully touched me. It felt like he might care, hands warm and careful against my scalp.

I sighed, pressing up into his searching hands. For a moment I could pretend he felt the same way as I did. I must have dozed off because when I opened my eyes I was leaning back on the leather seat, shirtless. Dean was shirtless too.

His white tee was fisted in his hand, damp with water from the bottle in his hand. He must have found it in the backseat.

Carefully he smoothed his wet shirt over my sticky chest, and I gasped. Dean's eyes darkened and his hand paused before continuing.

"Making noises like that might get you in trouble." He muttered, his other hand drifting to my jeans. I lifted my hips into his hand when he palmed my erection through the coarse fabric.

"Will you punish me?" I asked, and Dean's breath rushed out through his teeth. Green eyes flicking to mine. He unzipped my jeans, sliding them down. I smiled, arching against his naked chest, our skin sliding wetly together as he pressed hot kisses to my pale damp skin.

"Swear to fucking God, your nipple freckle is starting to be one of my kinks." Dean leered, mouth hovering over my puckered pink bud. I flushed when Dean pressed a kiss to it, sending little flames licking up my spine.

"Dean, no teasing." I shuttered as his mouth clamped over my nipple, tugging it once with his teeth before sucking on his lovingly. I keened, making a high reedy noise. Dean's hips rolled down over mine. Dean's hands curled around my chest, right beneath my armpits. He lifted me up to his mouth, sucking on my nipples until they were puffy and swollen. My briefs were soaked by the time he was done.

"I don't have a condom." Dean admitted, I fumbled with the button on his jeans, shakily trying to undo the zipper. He didn't seem bothered by my clumsy attempts.

"You've already had me once without a condom." I reminded. Dean's face collapsed with guilt but he quickly hid it. He pulled off my boxers, and tossed one of my legs over his shoulder, making me stretch delishiously for him.

"Fuck, I don't have lube either." Dean cursed, fumbling with his glove department to search for some.

"It's okay, Dean. I got it loose, just like you asked." I informed, spreading my legs further for him to view. Dean's eyes zeroed in on the spot I spent over an hour playing with the night before, digging my fingers in and rubbing. Imagining my slender long fingers were dean's square blunt ones.

"Fuck." Dean gulped, green eyes flicking to my face once before going back to my hole.

"Fuck." He repeated, and swiped his hand over the precum gathered on my belly. He used it as lubricant as he smeared it over my hole. I whined, arching as he used his middle finger to wiggle in the loose muscle.

"Cas, shit. You really listen to everything I say." He muttered, shoving his finger in until it was to the knuckle. I gasped, leg tightening over his shoulder. He removed his finger once I was slick enough. He slowly slide in, much easier than the rough press he had forced in me the first time we were together.

"Yes, Dean. " I whispered, wrapping around him as he fucked into me hard. I made high whimpering noises that made Dean buck into me rougher. His hips snapping forward with a smooth coordination he had not had the night I lost my virginity. His stamina impressed me. For over forty minutes, making me feel raw and thoroughly used.

My erection was pulsing sharply as it got squeezed between our grinding hips. I just needed him to stop purposely missing my prostate.

"Dean-" I choked, scraping my nails over his back. The sun was beginning to disappear behind the mountains.

"I gotcha." Dean grunted, fucking right into my prostate. I came heavily, my clamping muscles forcing Dean into orgasm with me. We collapsed against each other.

"That was amazing." I smiled, pressing a thankful kiss into Dean's temple. I closed my eyes, feeling the sweet haze settle over me. Dean rolled us over, allowing me to curl up on his naked chest.

"That should have been your first time." He frowned, arm loosely wrapped over my waist. I nuzzled further into him.

"It's okay, I don't mind." I tried to reassure. Dean flinched hard.

"Don't say that, fuck- What I did to you-Dammit. Cas-I, I shouldn't have done that. Cas I raped you." Dean spat, sitting up and moving away from me. Dean looked very young suddenly. His brow drawn, green eyes heavy with guilt. I stared at him in shock before reaching to touch his cheek.

"Dean you didn't. I've wanted you for so long. I wanted it, all of it." I breathed, moving on to my knees to look at him properly. Dean's head hung before finally shifting up.

"You'll forgive me?" He asked, voice cracking. I felt tears gather in my eyes.

"Dean there is nothing to forgive. I didn't once protest, I wanted it. I wanted _you_." I promised frantically, cupping his jaw. I forced his gaze to meet mine and I saw tears swell in his own eyes as he crashed our mouths together in a heated kiss.

We spent the rest of the night making love over and over again until the smell of Impala was drenched into my skin.


	8. Chapter 8

I do not own Supernatural.

* * *

Forgive Me

I fall so terribly, deeply in love with Dean that is scares me. The next few months are pure bliss.

Dean and I are very creative in ways to meet each other in secret. I spend the night at the apartment and when Sam falls asleep I go into Dean's room and let him have me.

Dean picks me up from school when Sam gets a ride to Kevin's house.

We meet in the college between classes, sneaking into empty class rooms and letting Dean lay me down over a desk.

I should be happy, because Dean cares for me. Not as much as my sister, surely. But in his own way he does.

But the guilt. It's a little poisonous blister beneath our relationship. The jealousy burns away at me until I feel like a scorched vessel of a man.

I walk out of my latin class and see Dean waiting at the end of the hall. His green eyes filled with expectation. Any self consciousness Dean may have had in the beginning of our relationship has vanished. He expects me to follow him, he expects me to love him without him returning my feelings. It makes my chest hurt, but it is the truth.

I love Dean completely, and he lusts for me.

It's a sad truth, I try not to dwell on it too much. Even the slightest form of connection between me and Dean is enough ... For now.

Dean gives a quick jerk of his head and starts down the hall. I step forward to follow him.

"Hey, Castiel." A crisp British voice addresses me. I look up and nod the the man.

Crowley is only two years older than me. He is handsome in a sort of roguish way. He has a sort of self confidence that I admire, and he is incredibly intelligent if not a bit cocky.

"Where're you running off too, so quickly?" He asks, standing close to me. I meet his eyes levelly.

"I'm tutoring a friend." I lie, if anything it's Dean teaching me aspects of my sexuality I've never even thought to explore. Dean was very thoroughly, and I felt my cheeks flushing at the thought.

"Yeah? Think you could schedule me in for a date?" Crowley asks, we're nearly the same height. But Crowley has a sturdier build. He dresses in nice, expensive clothes. He is incredibly wealthy, inheriting his fathers business and building it up rapidly.

"I'm afraid I'm booked." I swallow thickly. I can feel Dean watching us, can feel the eyes burning into my back. I chew nervously on my lip. Crowley's eyes slide knowingly to Dean, a small frown on his features.

"Well ... Let me know when you're free." He says, bending down to whisper lowly in my ear. I blink at him confusion, but nod all the same. I had heard him fine when he had been standing in front of me, I don't see why he had to get so close to my ear.

I turn and follow Dean down the hall, he walks briskly ahead staying a few steps ahead of me.

We find and empty classroom and Dean locks the door.

"Who was that?" He asks, voice tight. I look up at him, he's looming over me, green eyes dark with jealousy.

"Crowley, he's a friend." I clarify.

"You got a lot of friends getting up in your face like that?" Dean demands, eyes narrowing as he inspects me. Like he can find signs of infidelity on my skin.

Red hot anger washes through me.

"Drop it, Dean." I scowl, gripping the front of his shirt and pulling him down into an brutal kiss. Our tongues and teeth clash together, hot breaths sliding over each others cheeks. Dean lifts me up and sets me on the desk.

We don't make love, we fuck.

* * *

'come over' Dean's text comes at midnight on a tuesday. I stumble out of bed and put on a pair of soft worn jeans. I struggle putting a sweater over my head before heading out the door.

I'm met on the stairs by my brother.

"Where the fuck are you going?" Gabriel slurs, drunk from one of his late night parties.

"Sam's house, he's not feeling well." I lie, again. It's another layer of guilt to add to the pile wading me down.

"Help me." Gabriel stumbles. I grip his shoulder and we ascend the stairs. I help him out of his clothes and shoes, leaving a bucket by the bed as well as some water and pills for when he wakes up.

"Love you, Cassie." Gabriel grins in the darkness of our shared room.

"I love you too, brother." I say, sliding a palm against his tequila hot forehead.

"Be safe, okay?" He says. Me and my brothers aren't as close as Sam and Dean, but there is an unspoken love we hold for each other.

I stare at him for a long time, until he falls asleep.

The drive across town is less then seven minutes, but it feels like hours in the silence of night.

I try and make a list of all the people I've lied to over the past few months. All of my brothers at least once. Anna, Kevin, Sam ... Even Dean.

Dean thought I was fine with being his mistress.

I knew Dean was still sleeping with Anna, and it made me want to claw my eyes out. But I had yet to say anything to Dean, and he hadn't brought it up either.

We were dancing around the truth.

I didn't have Dean completely, and in return Dean felt like he didn't have me completely which made him jealous beyond belief.

Everything was so messed up.

I unlocked the apartment with my spare key. Sam's room was empty and I let out a breath of relief.

Dean sometimes dragged me into the room once Sam had fallen asleep, and we'd have sex all while I tried staying quiet. I liked when Dean had his hand covering my mouth, when he told me to keep quiet so his little brother didn't hear.

His little brother and my best friend. I clenched my fist around the keys and went into Dean's room.

"Took you long enough." Dean grumbled, half asleep. He rolled onto his back, wearing nothing but black boxerbriefs. I locked the door and shrugged off my clothes, climbing on the bed.

"Gabriel came home inebriated." I informed, and Dean snorted a laugh. He rolled on top of me, pressing a warm chaste kiss to my mouth.

"You help him?" Dean asks, voice low.

"Of course." I blinked up at him in confusion and he chuckled, laying his face into my neck. We were laying flush together, Dean's warm body felt heavy and comfortable on top of me.

"You're so good, Cas." He sighed into my ear, broad hands spanning my hips. But Dean didn't ask me over to talk. He pulls down my pants and I lay willing under him.

* * *

Sam arrives late to class. His face haggard, with dark circles under his eyes and his hair messy.

"What's wrong?" I demand, thoughts of Dean injured or ill already filling my mind with anxiety.

"Kevin got into a college in California." Sam's throat sounds raw, and his eyes are rimmed red. He's obviously been crying.

"He's sixteen." I say, brow furrowed.

"He's a genius." Sam snaps, almost bitterly. Sam had always boasted proudly about Kevin's intellect, but now it was the cause of their separation.

"When is he going?" I ask, throat tight. I don't want Kevin to move. I wasn't as close to him as I was to Sam, but he was still a dear friend. I clenched my hands into my jeans.

"A few months." Sam's voice cracks. I reach around the desk and pull him into a hug. He let's out a broken sob into my shoulder, and I have to ask the teacher to excuse us for a moment.

* * *

Dean snickered as I approached him in the library.

"What're you wearing?" He laughed, tugging at the hem of my sweater vest.

"Clothes." I scowl sarcastically, pushing his hand away. My cheeks color with embarrassment and he grins as he continues pawing at me. Dean and Sam both have that in common, being overly touchy.

"Looks good." He grins, green eyes half lidded. We're in a little cove of the library that's mostly secluded, but I can hear people whispering not to far away.

"Then why are you laughing at me." I frown, knocking his wandering hands away as he reaches to hold my hips, calloused fingers digging into the soft fabric.

"Cause' your so fucking cute." Dean's smile is lazy and content. He leans forward and his kiss is warm and familiar. I stand on my tip toes to shove closer to him, curling my hand around the back of his neck. My face burns with embarrassment, but I try and ignore it because Dean's here and that's all that matters.

"You wanna' get out of here?" Dean asks, voice gone breathless. We were supposed to study, but I suppose it can wait. I hesitantly lick my lips, tasting Dean there. It makes me shutter, and Dean's eyes darken.

"Sam's at the apartment." I remind, he had texted me earlier to come and join him and Kevin for a movie. I had declined in favor of spending my free time with Dean.

"The impala." He shrugs, already tugging me out of the library. When other people come into view, he drops my hand. It makes my chest sting.

"Dean, not in daylight." I flush at the idea. I wouldn't mind if it was later but it's only noon and the chances of getting caught rutting in the backseat of his car are very likely.

Dean throws up his hands, reaching for me before remembering himself. His hands fall uselessly to his sides.

"You want me to rent a motel room?" He asks, eyebrow raised. I wince at the idea. Even though we're having an affair, resorting to using a motel would just be such a cliche. Besides they were filthy.

"I think no ones at my house." Lucifer was visiting Micheal in New York. Gabriel had school until three, and Anna was working, and Samandriel was at a school event. The house should be empty for a few hours. The thought of Dean having me in the same spot where we started this entire messed up relationship makes my stomach clench.

"Let me text Anna, just to make sure." Dean says, and he jots out a quick text asking my sister of her location before we get into the car. The ride across town is electric. I'm pressed close to Dean, hand rubbing over his thin tee shirt. His fingers curl possessively around my hip.

Dean's phone bings. Dean reaches down and reads it quickly before looking back at the road.

"She's working late tonight." Dean murmurs, his fingers dip under my shirt and the feel of him touching my skin makes me shiver all over. I nod and move closer.

Dean parks his car around the block, just in case.

As soon as we get inside we stumble up the stairs, unable to keep our hands to ourselves. I dig the heels of my feet into Dean's lower back as he grinds down against me on the bed.

"Dean-" I moan, shuttering as his rough jeans slide over my trousers.

"Gonna cum in your pants again? Such a good boy, Cas." Dean grins, cupping my face and tilting my head back so he can leave hickies all over my chest. Both Anna and Gabriel had inquired about them. I had lied and said I was taking Judo lessons with Kevin.

"Dean, please. We have to hurry." I whisper, even though the house is empty. A sick thrill runs up my spine at the thought of one of my siblings catching us. Something mean and ugly loves the idea of Anna walking in and seeing Dean wrapped around me. I shake the thoughts away guiltily. Dean doesn't belong to me, no matter how much I wish he did.

"Gonna take my time, go nice and slow." Dean drawls, unbuttoning my pants and rolling me onto my stomach. My breath goes rapid as the memory of Dean's heavy body pushing into me the first time rises. I groan, pushing my ass back to meet the thick swell of his erection, hidden by his jeans.

"Dean, fuck me." I press, twitching and squirming under him. Dean seats himself on my bottom, bowed legs curving around my hips. He pins me down by the wrists and I can feel him smirk as he starts to grind roughly against my ass. His thick cock settling into the grove between my cheeks, and rubbing at my hole steadily.

"Dean, Dean!" I snap bucking back. Dean uses his weight to hold me firmly on the mattress. He releases me for a moment and suddenly my pants are ripped off my body. I try sitting up, but Dean tosses me back onto the bed. I feel over sensitized and exposed, Dean parts my cheeks and I can hear the smile in his voice as he talks behind me.

"Look at that pretty little hole. Really want it, Cas? Want me to fuck your little boy hole." I gag on his filthy words, nodding shamefully into my pillow. The memory of Dean's thick dry cock, forcing it's way into me. His liquor smelling breath against the shell of my ear as he wetly mouthed at the bolt of my jaw makes every thing go hazy with lust.

Dean's cock is wet and warm when it slides against my hole, his precum and lube make me twitch needily.

"I need you." I croak, blindly groping behind me for his hand. Our fingers lace as he pins my hand behind my back, in some mock romantic gesture. I whimper, and he grunts.

"Really riled up today, huh?" He sounds too breathless to be as mocking as he intends. We've been doing this for months now, and the 'honeymoon phase' should have long ended. But every time we meet it's just as all consuming as the first time. Every time Dean takes me, I fall even deeper in love.

"_Please_." Is my only answer. Dean's stubborn though. Instead of filling me up with his girth, his cock settles between my thighs, bumping the tip of his erection into the back of my small scarcely haired balls. I whine low in my throat, canting my hips as he pushes between my balls and settles his cock right up along mine.

I cry out as he starts a heady, slow rhythm with his hips. Short, strong thrusts that force me to rock forward. The bed scratching at the wood flooring. My chin rubs against the sheets, making it burn.

Dean's longer and thicker than me, his cock juts out from his hips in a hard thick spear. Mine is small and pink, and curls up slightly. Dean calls it 'cute', which shouldn't set me on edge and make me even hornier, but it does.

Dean fucks against me, forcing my thighs together as he grunts into my shoulder. Our cocks slide together wetly, my precum leaking in a puddle under us that makes my thighs and belly wet.

With ever rough snap of his hips, I can feel the base of his cock slide over my hole teasingly. I whine, clutching at the comforter.

"In me-put it in." I pant into the mattress, feeling sweat starting to gather on my brow. Dean makes a animalistic noise, and hikes up my leg on the bed, spreading me wide. I hump slutty against my bed, I can feel my hole stretch with how wide Dean has my legs.

Dean's breath ghosts over my lower back and I gasp, eyes going wide as his stubble brushes briefly over the top of my ass. He bypasses my hole, and I let out a soft groan of neglect. Dean bites into the tender meat of my thigh and I buck forward, on the brink of orgasm.

"_Dean, Dean_!" I cry out needily. This is it, Dean's always been a tease but this time I'm going to die. My chest feels too tight, and my leg burns from the bite he left on my pale thigh that will surely leave a large ugly bruise. My hole clenches greedily at air, because Dean doesn't even have the courtesy to put his fingers in me.

"Alright baby, okay. I got you, sweetheart." Dean croons, finally he's up against my hole. I don't give him the few minutes he likes to take circling my hole and dipping in until I've lost my mind. I jerk my hips back and he splits me open, cock sitting thick and hot in my ass.

We groan simultaneously.

Dean fucks me hard, grinding down until I'm a puddle of lust lying pliantly under him. Moaning sluttily with every motion of his hips. Dean loves it, his fingers biting into my hips, digging into the flesh. He sucks at my neck, turning my head so he can lick messily into my mouth and suck on my thick bottom lip.

Dean's close when he reaches between my thighs and tugs at my cock. I rear up, and moan, I'm so close. But I try and hold out longer, not wanting it to end. I bite my lip until it bleeds. Dean's having none of my resistance, he pushes under my shirt and twists one of my nipples between his thumb and forefinger. I scream into the mattress, bucking back like a animal.

He follows a second after, cock swelling a bit before a rush of heat fills me up. I feel hot cum drip out of my ass when he pulls out, laying on top of me. He kisses apologetically at the bite mark he left on my shoulder. It stings, but I like it.

"Shit, Cas." Dean pants, nuzzling into my neck. My sweater vest had gotten ripped sometime during out passionate encounter. It falls down my shoulder, revealing all the dark marks Dean has left on my skin. My nipples where swollen, and my thighs ached.

I sighed happily. Everything was perfect.

"Dean, I-" Before I can say whatever it was that felt right for the moment the door down stairs slams open.

"Anyone home?!" Anna cries out. Me and Dean look at each other in horror.


	9. Chapter 9

I do not own Supernatural.

* * *

Forgive Me

Dean's eyes are wide an panicked. I shakily get up and struggle into my clothes, replacing my torn shirt with a new one. I can hear Anna coming up the stairs. Dean hurriedly puts on his jeans. I open my bedroom door and shut it behind me.

"Cas? Why are you home." She asks, climbing the last stair. She brushes her silken red hair from her face.

"Class got canceled." Dean had convinced me to ditch class in favor of pleasing him sexually. I bit my swollen lip, and shifted uncomfortably in my jeans.

"I'm making lunch, you want some?" She asks, placing a hand on my shoulder. Her thumb brushes over a still damp spot on my neck from Dean's saliva.

"Yes." I mutter pitifully, unable to look her in the eyes as I follow her back down the stairs as she complains about having to work a double shift.

"They let me take lunch off though, so I thought I'd come home real quick and get some lunch." Anna informs, pulling ingredients for sandwiches from the fridge.

I sit down on the stool in front of the island in the center of the kitchen. I rake in a pained breath, still sore from Dean's brutal pounding.

"Are you alright, Castiel?" She asks worriedly, turning around at my stiff figure half raised off the stool.

"Fine." I lie, lowering myself back down and wincing as the wood digs into my sensitive muscles. I'm still wet and loose, and every time I shift I can feel Dean still warm against my hole. It makes me hot all over with guilt.

"Lucifer should have been back, but you know how he is with Micheal. Once they get together you can't separate them until one of their epic fights." She rolls her eyes. Lucifer and Micheal were always an enigma to me.

Anna seemed to understand their twisted relationship more than me. But I did notice how Lucifer always stayed longer than intended when he went to see our other brother.

"Oh I meant to ask, Dean thinks Sam's been acting weird lately. Do you know anything about that?" Anna asks, looking up. I swallow thickly at the mention of Dean's name, tugging up the collar of my shirt to hide the hickies he left on me.

"Our friend is moving, Sam doesn't take well to abandonment." I say, accepting the meal as she hands it to me. She starts making her own, and I feel even worse. Anna has always been a devoted, perhaps even doting older sister. I repay her love with deceit and betrayal.

I take a few bites of the sandwich to placate her, but it sits heavy in my belly.

"Neither does, Dean. I think it's because of the whole John thing." She waves her hand, lips twisted in a frown. I nod agreeing with her. John Winchester had left Dean to basically raise Sam himself from a young age, only providing the most basic of care like shelter and the occasional meal.

Otherwise his presence was elsewhere. From Sam's description, he found bars to be his usual place of occupation.

Anna idly chatters more, complaining about her crazy boss and how she wants to quit because she disagrees with his moral code. She then moves on to talk about school, and what classes she's having trouble with and which she's excelling in.

"I've got to go, work." She scowls, taking both of our plates and placing them in the sink. She turns and plants a kiss on my cheek, Dean's lips had ghosted there only minutes ago and I wonder if she can smell his after shave and spunk still seeped into my skin.

"Gabe's class should be over soon. Tell him he needs to take you to dinner because I won't be home until late."

"Okay." I say watching her quickly exit our house. I run up the stairs, swinging open the door only to find my room empty. My window is open and the heady scent of sex is all but gone. The bed is tidied somewhat.

Any evidence that Dean had been here is gone.

* * *

The air is strained between Sam and Kevin. I sit between them at the movie theater, Sam smacking the popcorn with obnoxious intent.

Kevin sits on my other side, gritting his teeth as he sips his soda.

"Will you stop it." Kevin finally hisses.

"Am I bothering you, Kev? So sorry, I'll try and keep it down." Sam snarls, and he's intimidating in a way I've never seen before. I makes the hackles on the back of my neck rise and I hunker down in my seat.

His slanted eyes are fiercely focused on Kevin.

Kevin however doesn't seem in the least bothered, if anything he grows more annoyed.

"_Shut up, Sam_." Kevin snaps, glaring harshly at him. Kevin had broken up with Sam, reasoning that prolonging the break up would only hurt Sam more. Inevitably they were both extremely heartbroken and hurt, and they were taking it out on each other with nasty cruel comments.

"You can't tell me what to do anymore, Kev. You sorta lost that privilege when you kicked me to the curb." Sam snarks, and he's tall even sitting down. Looming over me to glare down at Kevin with intimidation.

"Will you keep it down?" A man asks behind us, his date making annoyed noises in the back of her throat.

"I didn't 'kick you to the curb', it's for the bes-"

"So help me, if you finish that sentence I'll ..." Sam's voice shakes in anger and he himself doesn't finish the threat. Kevin sneers at him.

"You'll what?" Kevin barks, standing up. Sam stands too and there are noises of complaint behind us.

"Come 'ere." Sam grits, grabbing Kevin's wrist and hauling him from the cinema. I stare blankly at the screen for a few moments, lost on what to do. I had borrowed Gabriel's car to bring us here. The keys were placed firmly in my pocket.

I decided to finish the rest of the movie to give them some privacy, I nibbled on Sam's abandoned popcorn and winced as the girl is forced to rip her hand away from her wrist from under a car in which she was pinned.

After the gory ending I to the parking lot. Spotting my car I approach, the glass is fogged and I hesitate before opening the door.

Kevin's soft broken moan, and the lean tan skin of Sam's naked back meet me.

I clear my throat, and Sam whips his head around.

"I called Dean, he's gonna pick you up. Leave the keys, I'll drop the car off and your house and take a taxi home." Sam says rapidly, snatching the keys from my hand and slamming and locking the door.

"Sam, this is not my vehicle for you to fornicate in!" I shout, pounding on the glass. I'm only met with another one of Kevin's pretty sing song moans, followed by Sam's deep guttural noise of approval. I feel my face flush as I stumble away from the car.

I go and sit at the front of the theater and a few minutes later the defining sound of Dean's Impala rumbling fills my ears. Instantly shivers bristle along my body.

"Need a ride?" Dean asks, leaning out the window.

"Yes." I say, jumping into the car.

"Sammy said Gabe ditched you." Dean snorts a laugh, throwing out his arm behind my shoulders. I hesitate before nodding.

"Yes, Gabriel and I went to the movies but he left with a girl. Sam and Kevin had already gotten a ride by the time I realized I was abandoned." I inform.

"That's what Sammy said," Dean nods. I let out a breath of relief that Sam and I made up a similar scenario. "Is Sam spending the night at Kevin's? You want to come over?" Dean asks, eyes spending far to much time on me, rather than the road he should be focused on.

"I'm very tired." I murmur, looking down at my lap. I am tired, the fight between Kevin and Sam had been heated and had made me uncomfortable and embarrassed. I was worn out from school and wanted to go home and sleep.

"Okay." Dean tries to say casually, but the hurt in his voice is evident.

"I'll come over." I amend quickly, it won't do having Dean displeased with me.

"We don't have to do anything. I just want you with me." Dean says, and then instantly regrets it judging by his red face and scowl.

I can't help but smile softly at him as I reach up behind my shoulder to clasp his hand with mine. Although embarrassed, he still knits our fingers together and pulls me closer against his side.

* * *

I come home late one night, knowing that Gabriel will throw a tantrum if I stay out all night again. He insist I'm being a burden on Dean's household, not knowing it's Dean who keeps telling Sam to let me spend the night.

I sneak in through the front door, tip toeing up the stairs and into my room. I crack open the door to see Gabriel snoring softly into his pillow. I breath out in relief and am about to shut our bedroom door behind me, when I hear a soft noise.

Turning around I go further down the hallway and hear my sister.

Soft noises spill from her lips, pained and smothered. I nearly break down the door with a force I didn't know I had.

Anna is smothering her own frantic sobs into her pillow, thin shoulders shaking under her tank top. She looks up, and tries to quickly rub at her eyes.

"Cas! What are you doing up?" She forces a watery smile at me, and my heart shatters. I close the door and cross the room. Sitting on the edge of her bed.

"Anna, what's wrong?" I demand, taking her hand when she tries to cover her face.

"Nothing, I'm fine." Anna insists, and she is always the nurturer, never the nurtured. I think it's perhaps something both her and Dean have in common.

"Anna, please." I whisper, cupping her face and rubbing the tears from beneath her eyes. She lets out a trembling breath and stares at me a long moment, eyes wilting before more tears spill down her cheeks to slide over my fingers.

They burn hotly, and I feel my own eyes dampen.

"Dean's cheating on me." She mouths, voice broken and so little. It's so strange to hear my strong, independent sister sound so young and vulnerable.

"How do you know?" I ask, and I cradle her head against my shoulder as she lurches forward. I can't bare to look at her. I feel sick to my stomach.

"He's been distant. I've thought I was just being paranoid for awhile, but I saw some texts on his phone to a someone named 'angel'. I couldn't call it, I wanted too but I couldn't." Anna sobs, clawing at my shirt as she curls up against me. She's tiny, so small against me. I want to protect her, but it's me who she needs protecting from.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, because I don't know what else to say. What if she had called 'angel'? How confused would she be to hear her own brother answer, to hear me answer 'hello dean' with a familiarity she didn't know I held with her boyfriend. My lover.

"I loved him so much. How could he do this to me?" She's wrecked, eyes wide and confused and hopeful. Like I may try and reassure her, like I can offer her some advice. I look away and pull her into a tighter hug.

God I still have Dean in me, his semen still in my hole. His hickies and bruises all along my body. I suddenly feel very dirty and not worthy to touch Anna, I'm not worthy of her trust.

I try and pull away, but Anna holds onto me tightly.

"Stay, please." She croaks, voice shaking terribly. I nod, and we settle on the bed. Curled around each other. Tears slip sideways down my face as I watch my sister break apart, crumbling against me because of my sins.

"I thought he loved me." She cries, fingers shaking in my hands as I clench her tiny pale hands between mine to try and stabilize her. To try and hide her from the world that's been so cruel to her. I've been to cruel to her.

We lay there for hours. Laying on our sides and looking at each other. She cries silently for hours before her eyes flicker shut. I pull the blanket over us, and kiss her forehead.

My own face is wet and salty with tears.

"I'll fix it Anna, I'll fix it all." My sister and I fall asleep clinging to each other like lost children.


	10. Chapter 10

Dean's eyes are so expressive. I've seen tenderness, lust, adoration, bravery, kindness all reflected back to me by those large green eyes.

But never wrath.

Dean is so angry. I had been avoiding him spectacularly. It's fairly simple being that he can't draw attention to himself when around me.

He had tried cornering me in the library but I had slipped away while the librarian scolded him.

He had waited in the parking lot, but Sam had come to meet me and he had pretended to talk to me about tutoring.

Every time he tried to catch me alone we were interrupted. My phone had been going off nearly none stop. Calls and texts. I had changed my phone, and stupidly given the new number to Sam. Dean of course got the new number within minutes.

Currently I was tucked under Sam's big arm. Sam was showing me the controls on the gaming system he had borrowed, and the new game to accompany it.

"Are you even paying attention, Cas?" Sam laughs, nudging my side. He's incredibly depressed over Kevin. The smaller boy has been trying to avoid Sam with about as much luck as I avoid Dean.

"Yes, I'm listening." I say to him, my eyes trailing over his shoulder.

Dean looks beautiful. Reclined with his legs spread widely in the leather lazyboy like it's his throne. The sun shines in through the window shades to make his hair seem lighter, and his skin tanner. The light catches on his wet lips as he brings the beer bottle dangling from his fingers tips up to catch a quick sip. His eyes never leave mine.

I think it is fitting that Dean's eyes are green. With all the jealousy he harbors.

I shift away from Sam, and lean forward asking him a question about the game to distract him from the fact that I can't let him touch me when his idiotic, _possessive,_ moronic brother is around.

Sam suddenly stands, and I feel my entire body go stiff.

"Where are you going?" I demand, and Sam looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Bathroom, geeze." Sam laughs, looking at me with a smile mixed with confusion. He heads to the back room, completely oblivious to Dean who is looking at me like a wolf who just found it's prey. As soon as the door clicks shut, Dean's speaking.

"So, you done with me?" Dean's voice is low, eerily calm for how much anger is boiling right under the surface of his skin, I wonder if I touched him if I could feel it rushing through his veins like a fever.

I realize I might be afraid of Dean at the moment.

"We both knew what we were doing was stupid. I decided to put an end to it." I murmur softly, refusing to look away from the TV. My character protects the heroine who I have a sneaking suspicion is actually his daughter.

"Stupid?" Dean barks out, dropping the bottle on the floor and leaning forward.

"No Cas, I'll tell you whats stupid. Acting like a fucking child and ignoring me, that's what's _really fucking stupid_." Dean's voice is burning, getting darker and more dangerous. I swallow thickly and watch the screen.

"I am several years younger than you, and still considered a child by the law." I grit, and it's a low blow. A thinly veiled threat. But Dean is scaring me, he's not even screaming, and still sitting across the room.

But the white hot pulses of anger clogging up the room are terrifying. I realize I'm scared that Dean hates me.

"Are you threatening me?" Dean demands, and the empty bottle clangs against the hardwood floor as he stands, crossing to me.

He grips my chin, and I gasp as my body lits up.

Dean's hold may be aggressive, but it's still his touch and I haven't felt it in much too long. I curl my fingers around his wrist as he lifts me off the couch. I realize how much taller and stronger Dean is. It makes me shiver in fear.

"Why?" Dean snarls, and his eyes break. The hatred dissipating, and his eyes bloom with pain. Like I'd stabbed him in the stomach.

"Tell me fucking why!?" Dean roars in my face, anger and confusion and pain all fighting for dominance on his face.

"Dean-" I croak. He has me up against the wall. Green eyes wide and lips trembling with withheld emotion.

"Whoa? What's going on!" Sam shouts, walking in from the bathroom. Dean's hand falls from where he had been cupping my chin. It takes me a moment longer to release his wrist.

"Dean was mad because of," My voice breaks so I jerk my head in indication to the paused character on the screen.

"_Cas_." Dean's voice is low, broken against my ear.

"It doesn't matter, the games over." I say tightly, swiftly exiting the apartment.

* * *

Anna groans, rubbing her stomach.

"I ate too much." She whines. I smile, rolling my eyes as she looks regretfully at the last couple of spoonfuls of icecream.

"I believe you've had enough." I smile, dropping her cup in the trash. She pouts, but brushes her hair from her face.

"Remind me to pick up Micheal from the airport." She says to Samandriel, who is texting beside me.

"Okay." He says, tapping out a message. He scoops up another spoonful of mint chocolate chip and slurps it into his mouth.

"Get off your phone, it's family bonding time." Anna says, slapping at Samandriel. He sighed, tapping out one last text before pocketing his phone.

"How's Claire?" Anna teased, smile wide as Samandriel flushed.

"Fine." He grunted, looking to me for help from our prying older sister.

"Fine fine, or sorta fine?" Anna continues. Samandriel groans, going pink.

"Why don't you ever pick on Cas?" He demands bitterly. I blink, and begin to count the holes in the table outside of the icecream parlor to distract myself.

"Cas doesn't have a girlfriend." Anna says, rubbing a hand over my head affectionately. As if this still made me a child who could be coddled because I wasn't sexually active.

"I still can't believe you let Meg sink her claws into you. You should have seen her face when Anna went over and ripped her a new one." Samandriel gloated.

"You what?" I rasp, looking at my sister in horror as she shrugs.

"She took advantage of you, she's lucky I didn't press charges. It's unlikely they'd do anything cause's she's a woman, but if she was a man. I'd get her ass locked up so fast her head would spin." Anna snapped, stealing what was left of Samandriel's icecream and shoveling it into her mouth.

Samandriel gave a weak protest.

"Anna, that is completely inappropriate." I hiss, trying to ignore the panic swelling in my belly.

"You're my baby brother, it's my job to protect you." Anna dismisses. For a long moment I stare at her, thinking she's figured me out. She knows about Dean, she knows what I let him do and she's trying to get me to admit it. But she keeps on eating her icecream, talking to Samandriel about something unimportant.

* * *

"We need to talk." Dean mutters. I look up from where I had been walking close to Crowley, admiring the short horror story he had gotten published in the school newspaper.

"That's never good." Crowley chuckles. I ignore them both, heading down the corridor away from Dean.

I make it around the last corner before a strong hand grabs me.

"You're a real piece of work you know that?" Dean snarls, vicious.

"Let me go."

"Making it seem like you're all in love with me and then just dropping me for no god damn reason." Dean's hurt. He's trying to cover it up with anger. So I try and ignore the angry bit of his strong fingers digging into my arm, and the harsh lilt to his words.

"Dean, release me." I try and say calmly.

"No!" Dean's voice is loud, and it hurts my ears.

"You can't-" Dean chokes, looking at the people watching us and letting out a frustrated noise. He drags me down the hall before shoving me in an abandoned classroom. A thrill runs up my spine, memories of all the times he had done the same thing. Only to bend me over a desk and have his way with me.

"You can't pretend like it didn't matter." Dean's eyes are hard, determined. Like he's trying to get evidence.

Dean did care about me. The whole time we had been together I had thought it had been me pining for him. Me who had been the one recklessly putting themselves into an unrequited relationship.

But Dean did care.

He did, and it was too late for me to do anything about it.

The next words were painful. I had gotten good at lying though, at making fake words seem true.

"Dean, we were just having some fun." It hurts so much to say it. But to see Dean's face break, to see his hand slide from where it had been gripping my arm too tightly is almost enough for me to scramble the words back into my mouth and tell him the truth.

_'I love you. I love you so much it scares me. I love your laugh, and your obsession with mullet rock. You're frankly concerning diet, and the way you only love a few people but the few who you do are loved so fiercely and completely they don't know how to handle it. I love everything about you, and I wish you could be mine.' _

"Fun?" Dean's short empty laugh causes me to flinch. We sit in silence, Dean has a tight wry smile on his face that slowly melts away.

"So what, am I not fun anymore? You got bored of me? That it?" Dean asks icily. Green eyes narrowed as he looks at my hands that are tugging at the hem of my sweater.

"It's just too dangerous." I shrug, because I can't think of another lie. Dean moves forward, hand reaching up to cup my chin.

"I'll be more careful. Is it because of that time Anna nearly caught us? We can just meet up at my house from now on-"

"What if Anna goes there?" I comment, looking away from him. He catches my chin and forces my eyes back. It's sickening how I sway closer to him. My body betraying me as it melts into the dense wall of warmth that is Dean.

"The Impala. Just don't leave me. I need you." Dean murmurs against my lips. We kiss, chaste and sweet. I want to say yes.

"I can't." I say, breaking from his hold.

"Fuck, Cas-" Dean whirls around. I try and keep walking but as soon as he touches me I'm back under his spell.

"I'm serious, Dean. It's over." My voice is harsh, but Dean isn't buying it. Pressing his lips to the corner of my mouth. Knowing he's got me where he wants me.

"Stop saying that." He growls. I let myself enjoy the smooth slick of his tongue one last time before I ruin everything.

"I love someone else." I blurt, pushing at his chest when he tries to catch my mouth in another kiss. I'm not sure how much more I can resist. How much I can keep denying him. It's a filthy ugly thing to do.

To make Dean think I could ever love anyone other than him is just cruel. But I have to. I have to lie. I can't keep hurting Anna and this is the only way.

"What?" Dean's voice breaks, eyes wide and blank.

"There's someone else." I shrug, watching my loose sweater sleeves fall over my fingers. I ball up the excess fabric in my hand.

"You've got to fucking kidding me-" Dean's shaking with anger, face red with either humiliation or rage. I step back into the desk and he takes a huge step forward, crowding me.

"Cas, you-" Dean starts, voice crackling like lightening. The doors slams open, drawing away my attention. Dean's eyes don't move from my face.

"Excuse me? Shouldn't you be in class?" A teacher calls, bored eyes watching us. I run out before either of them can stop me. Hands trembling and palms sweaty. I run for what seems like miles, collapsing at the bus stop.

All the lies keep piling together. It's like a spider web I've woven, each one laying over the other, and I'm stuck in the center of it. Waiting to get devoured.


	11. Chapter 11

Forgive Me

I don't see Dean for a week.

I'm miserable.

Everything is so mundane without him. Without his smile lighting up the room, his loud booming voice drawing attention from everyone around. I miss him so much it aches in my chest.

But I have to stay strong, for Anna.

Kevin is leaving in less then two weeks. Sam and him are 'broken up' but Sam is at his house right now, and I'm almost a hundred percent sure they aren't studying.

"Anna, you need to break up with him." Gabriel's angry voice cuts threw from the kitchen. I hesitate at the walkway, but Anna sees me just before I can turn. I force my feet forward and get a glass down from the cupboard.

"You don't understand what it's like to be in love, Gabriel." Anna says tightly, scowling as she stirs the thick soup she is making for dinner. The hearty smell of carrots and potatoes and beef fill the kitchen.

"No, but I know what it's like to be a player. He's using you." Gabriel hisses. I know they're talking about Dean and it makes my breath go choppy as I quickly get a glass of water, trying not to look too suspicious.

"He said it was over with the girl he was seeing. He said he wanted to give it another try between us, and start fresh. I want too to." Anna murmured weakly, adding some spices into her stew.

Gabriel snorted and his eyes pinned on me.

"Tell her she's an idiot." He demanded.

"It's none of my business." I reply instantly. Anna gives me a grateful smile.

"She's our sister of course it's our business if some sleazeball is trying to double cross her. I'm gonna ruin his life." Gabriel promises lowly, his face twisting darkly already as he schemes.

"I don't even know why I tell you anything." Anna snaps, throwing her hands in the air as the front door opens.

"I'm home." Micheal calls, loosening his tie as he drops his brief case on the table. He smiles wearily at me, fingers running threw my hair and pressing a chaste kiss to my temple as he passes to sniff the soup.

"Smells good." He comments, stealing a spoonful.

"Anna is staying with her cheating boyfriend." Gabriel blurts. Micheal's eyes immediately sharpen.

"You're _what_." Micheal frowns, blue eyes tight around the edges. He had been much more relaxed since returning from Lucifers. But ignored every time Lucifer called. They had obviously gotten in another fight.

"I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions." Anna says stiffly, wiping her hands on her apron.

"He cheated on you, and you're staying with him? Are you insane?" Micheal says irritably. I sneak out of the kitchen, ignoring Gabriel's look.

"I love him." I hear Anna say before I go up the stairs.

* * *

I wake up in the middle of the night.

"What the fuck?" Gabriel grunts from his bed across the room. I blearily look across to him as the loud noise sounds again.

"Cas!" A shout, followed by the sound of something clinking against their window. I sit up and go to the window. Gabriel shoves me aside and looks down.

"Fuck." He growls. I look over his shoulder.

Dean is below, stumbling as he tries to pick up another pebble. He reels back his hand and pelts Gabriel in the forehead who squawks.

"You mother fucker!" He shouts, glaring down at him.

"Cas! Come're wanna talk to yah'!" Dean slurs, heavily inebriated.

"Probably wants to talk about Anna. I'll go get him home." I say quickly to Gabriel. Gabriel frowns at me, opening his mouth to speak but I'm already running down the stairs.

"Dean." I hiss when seeing him, his face breaks in relief.

"Missed you s'much." He mutters, dragging me into a hug. I pull him under the overhang of the house.

"Are you insane? What if someone sees us?" I grit, trying to heft his big body mass. Dean is dense muscle and it's all pressed against me.

It should be cold out, and I'm wearing a flimsy white shirt and worn flannel pajama pants. Dean's heat seeps into my skin.

"You love me? D'ont want you with nune else." He grumbles, pressing sloppy kisses against my jaw. I tug at his collar but he can't notice when this drunk.

"Go home, Dean. Before Anna sees." I hiss, trying to push at his chest.

"Dun't care. I love you so fucking much. Don't leave okay, please don't leave me." Dean's words are smushed together, but the intensity behind them makes me flush.

"How did you get here?" I ask before I can help it, brushing a finger over Dean's cheek bones. The full moon highlights his freckles.

"Drove." He nods to the Impala, half on the curb. I curse angrily.

"You're a moron." I snap, reaching into his pocket for his keys. I drag him to the car and stuff him inside. It seems I have to take him home. I reach for his phone, dialing Gabriel's cell.

"You bastard-"

"It's me." I inform.

"Why are you with him, Cassie?" Gabriel sounds suspicious. I ignore him.

"He's my best friends older brother, and I've been torturing him for awhile. I've sort of become a confidante he wants to talk about Anna." I lie. Dean's pressed against my neck, burying his face in my messy bed hair.

"Tell him to fuck off." Gabriel's voice is tart.

"I can't he's drunk and he drove. I'm gonna have to take him home and catch a ride with Sam to school tomorrow. Tell Anna that something happened and Sam needed me." I push at Dean when he nips at my neck.

"I'm not lying so that fucker gets off scotch free. No way, I'm letting Anna know all the trouble he's caused." Gabriel's voice is low and angry.

"Be reasonable-" I wince as Dean licks at my ear, kissing behind the tender flesh.

"I've got to go." I quickly turn off the phone and stuff it into my pocket.

"So damn pretty, cheeks all flushed." Dean smiles lazily. I blush as he toys with the hem of my shirt. Fingers stroking over the scarce hair I have on my belly.

"Stop." I knock his hand away. Dean does stop, much to my surprise. Pouting on the other side of the car and staring at me.

I park in their apartment parking lot. Helping Dean out of the car and up the stairs. His breath is hot and damp against my neck as we trudge up the stairs.

"What do I hafta do? To get you back?" Dean pants, curling around me as I try and open the door. I sigh heavily, wrapping an arm around his back as he wobbles.

"Quiet, you'll wake Sam." I help him inside and lock the door before escorting him to his room. I tug off his jacket, ignoring the way he stares at me through hooded eyes and wet lips.

"Sit down so I can take off your boots." I instruct lightly. Dean obeys, I bend down untying his laces and tugging them off his feet. I help him out of his jeans, because I've seen Dean nude more times than I can count. Seeing him in his boxer briefs is hardly risque.

"Where'yah goin'?"Dean yawns, flopping onto the bed heavily. His hair is mussed up and he looks younger than normal as he looks up at me drunkenly.

"Sam's room." I say, because Sam's not home. Or he would have already come and taken over helping with Dean. I also hadn't seen his shoes or backpack by the door.

"What? No!" Dean snaps, sitting up scarily fast for a drunk person and snatching at my wrists. He forces me down onto the bed.

"Dean!" I yelp, grunting as he rolls on top of me.

"Don't! Don't go to anyone but me. I-I'll break up with Anna, I'll stop drinking. I'll do whatever you want. Just don't leave me." Dean stutters, pressing frantic kisses to my neck and chest. I flush, resisting weakly on his vice like grip on my wrists.

"Dean we can't-"

"We can." Dean murmurs against my throat, warming me all the way down to my toes. He holds me close and I tremble.

"Dean, no-" I sigh. Dean ignores me, rutting against my crotch. I gasp, arching up against him.

Dean is hard.

Really, really hard. I swallow thickly and hide partially against his strong shoulder. I should turn, roll out from under Dean and tell him to get some sleep. But he's so warm, and under the smell of liquor is the familiar smell of leather and smoke.

"Love you so much." Dean mouths at the bolt of my jaw, nipping at the skin there. I shutter at his words, melting under him. A few more minutes won't make much difference.

"So damn pretty, Cas. Yer' fucking eyes and lips and hair." Dean's saying nonsense. But it makes me blush and go loose under him.

He kisses me, messy and uncoordinated from all the alcohol. The bitter tang of whiskey stings my mouth, and I moan.

It's like his drunkenness is infectious. My mind goes blurry around the edges, and I cling to the heavy cotton of Dean's shirt, pulling him closer.

"Tell me the truth, it wasn't just fer' fun. Say it, say you love me." Dean presses, sucking dark wet bruises against my collar.

I gasp, arching into his touch.

"Say it." Dean grunts into my tender skin.

"I love you." I breath, and Dean's whole body trembles. He shoves down my pants, yanking them down with surprising ease for someone so shitfaced. Probably practice, my mind supplies ruefully.

Dean pushes down his briefs and before I know it, my legs are wrapped around his waist and I'm being fucked into.

I whine and shutter under him, shaking apart.

"Love you. Love you so damn much." Dean keeps repeating, like he can tattoo his brand on my skin. Dean's holding me down, using all his body weight to pin me to the bed. I couldn't get away if I wanted to.

It's wrong.

I broke it off with Dean. I promised Anna I wouldn't do this anymore, that I would fix this.

But it's only been a few days and I'm already back in Dean's bed.

I sob against Dean's neck, and he digs his fingers harder into my skin.

"Don't-" He chokes, kissing my eyelids.

I love him. I love him. I love him.

* * *

I wake up late in the afternoon. I've already missed most of my classes. I sigh, sitting up and throwing back the covers. Dean is asleep beside me, naked and his thighs smeared with cum from when he'd jacked me off with his too big hands and made me cum.

I moved across the room, getting dressed.

"Where's the fire?" Dean rouses, eyes following me as I freeze across the room.

"Last night was a mistake." I blurt instantly, trying to ignore the way Dean flinches.

"I ... I didn't force you again, did I?" Dean mutters.

"No. But it was still a mistake." I sigh. Dean lets out a relieved breath and rubs a hand threw his hair, making it stick up cutely. Dean's unashamed as he stretches out naked on the bed. I admire his leans waist, and the dark trail of hairs under his navel.

"I'm breaking up with Anna." He says as I shrug on a pair of his jeans. Not bothering to ask because it's his fault I had to come here in my pajamas in the middle of the night anyways.

His words suck all the air out out of the room. Making my lungs feel like they've collapsed in my chest.

"You're what?" I choke, staring at him in horror.

"I can't do it anymore. I have to be with you, Cas." Dean says, green eyes so focused on me it's terrifying.

"A-Are you insane? You can't! You love her!" I shout, feeling my face go hot.

"I do," He admits. Standing and grunts as he clutches his head. He moves across the room and his hand presses into my shoulder, grounding me.

"I love her, but Cas. With you it's ... it's scary how much I love you. It's gonna suck, not being with Anna, but I can't even imagine what it would be like to not have you." Dean flushes as he tries to admit his feelings.

Dean loves me more than Anna?

It makes me chest swell and feel like it's going to burst. I bring shaky fingers up to Dean's face and pull him down closer to my height.

"Anna's great and all. But Cas, when you walked into my life it was like the earth stopped moving and ... sometimes I think I might even love you as much as Sam. Do you know how scary that is for me? Sam's my everything, but you Cas. You're right fucking there, and it keeps getting worse. I thought after I fucked you once or twice I'd get bored and go back to Anna. But Cas I can't stop this. You're like a fucking disease and I'm getting worse and worse everyday. But I don't want it to stop. Please don't make it stop." Dean's voice was hoarse from his hang over. Or maybe withheld tears.

I kissed him, pouring all my emotions into it.

"I wish things were different." I whisper against his lips.

I wish we had met in a coffee shop on campus. Or bumped into each other in the hallway. Or on the sidewalk across the street.

I wished a lot of things.

But the truth of the matter was that Dean belonged to Anna first, and she still loved him. I couldn't ruin my sister because of my selfishness. Even if Dean meant the world to me.

"I'm so sorry. Forgive me." I kiss against his slack, stunned lips before turning and exiting the apartment. I wouldn't see Dean again for a long time.


End file.
